Learn what Pastor Mark is up to during his Spiritual Renewal Leave. All entries written by Mark S. Bollwinkel.
August 30, 2010 – New Camaldolese Hermitage, Big Sur, California
There as been at least a 40-degree shift in day-time temperature since I arrived. With the fog moving in it is bitter cold at night and I have to wear clothing to bed to stay warm. On my first night I slept without sheets, all the windows and doors open and a fan on. The beach flies are gone and that's a blessing indeed.
This has been a remarkable experience, more than I ever expected. The prayer, meditation, worship and walking in one of the most beautiful, isolated places I've been has done its job! Issues have come up that I have not addressed for years. I leave with a sense of self-definition that is new and significant.
St. Romuald's rule for the order of the Camaldoli monks begins, "Sit in your cell as in paradise. Put the whole world behind you and forget it...."
It's a wonderful intent, to live in the present as if the future were now. Every time we prayer, "...thy kingdom come, thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven..." we project our present lives into the promise of God's future. To do that as a meditative practice is a gift indeed and significant work for the Camaldoli brethren.
I can't put the world behind me and forget...and from the powerful intercessory prayers of the Monks here in Big Sur, neither do they. Our concerns for the poor, the environment and the historical realities of our time are definitely shared with our friends even in hermitage.
As one who loves solitude and the sense of peace and focus it brings, I don't know that I would describe such moments as 'paradise'.
Singing with Starfire youth choir on the last night of the 2006 Australia tour, with Dirk playing favorite hymns one after the other as we sang holding each other in a fellowship circle, way into the night....now that was my image of 'paradise'. It was so profound I had to take a break and sit off to myself for a while just to soak it all in!
Turning the keys over to a family for their new shelter just constructed by an LAUMC work team along the border with Mexico or a Habitat for Humanity family in East Oakland, or a family displaced by Hurricane Katrina in Mississippi....now that is my image of 'paradise'.
Standing at a hospital bedside with the dying father of the family gathered around to say a final prayer of gratitude for his life and love...for me that's more 'paradise' than the luxurious cell of my solitude.
Retreat from the world is a significant restorative process to be sure and it is still retreat. God comes to us as one of us in and for this world, this broken, confusing, wonderful, beautiful and complicated world (John 1:14).
The privilege of meditative retreat is to remember that, to treasure that in preparation for service to the very world God sent Jesus.
Falling to sleep with Bonnie Bollwinkel in my arms....marveling at a meal well prepared and shared....laughing so hard my side hurts....and weeping as we say 'good bye' to a loved on at their memorial service, that's all 'paradise' for me. That is where we discover God is with us.
August 29, 2010 – New Camaldolese Hermitage, Big Sur, California
The answer to the priest's excellent rhetorical question the other day came to me at 5:30am the next:
The deepest longing of my heart is to say something that matters.
To say something that makes a positive difference in a person's life or in the world is my deepest longing. It has been since I was a kid. This is God's calling in my life whether in public speaking, writing or art. I am always trying to say something that matters.
It is ironic that such clarity about speech should come in the middle of a silent retreat? Not really, I've been writing like mad. One of the places my mind drifts to during meditation is what pottery project I have next. I can't wait to preach again.
After six days of not speaking a word to another person, other than hymns or prayers chanted in worship, my first spoken encounter with another retreatant occurred this morning. In our tiny common kitchen, a fellow pilgrim whispered with some concern as she opened the refrigerator, "Are we out of butter?" I answered reflexively, "No, its right here..." and pointed to where she could find it. That's the longest conversation I have had in six days! I think we both felt a little sheepish about the exchange having been so very good at silence for so long and not wanting to disturb anyone else. But by God, we found the butter and when you're living on Spartan rations butter counts for a lot!
D. T. Niles the famous South Indian preacher once said, "Evangelism is one beggar telling another beggar where to find the bread." Speaking our truth in love may be one of the most significant ways we live out our faith, whether in our family relationships, at school or workplace, in the church or in the nation.
Surrounded by the noise of our society, bombarded with stimulus and distraction, a little silence every now and then can remind us of how important it is to speak our truth in love.
August 28, 2010 – New Camaldolese Hermitage, Big Sur, California
At the beginning of the Saturday eve Vesper Service here at Camaldolese each week there is a ceremonial lighting of incense, sung with the refrain, "And our prayers like incense shall rise to God." This is no stick of incense. It's an iron plate full of incense on a bed of coals. The smoke is dramatic and the aroma fills the sanctuary and chapel.
I find myself envying the physicality of some of the Monks' ritual, such as burning incense. At the conclusion of each evening Vesper there is a ritual blessing by water, as the tallest priest hurls water at and over the congregation from a bundle of hyssop sticks.
There is ritual bowing at the waist on a number of occasions during the litany, in honor of the presence of God, toward the communion table, as the elements are brought in and consecrated. The monastic order is held in such high esteem that as the monks enter and leave the sanctuary the congregation turns to them and bows. Each evening the congregation with Latin song ritually escorts them to their cloister.
We Protestants sit and watch worship unfold in front of us as if a performance of a play or movie. Sure we stand up and sit down on occasion, hopefully not too much! We sing our hearts out; we are much, much better singers than the Camaldolese Monks! But rarely are our bodies into the act of adoration or contrition except for the occasional bow of the head during a prayer. Many other religious tradition include the whole body into their worship in a variety of ways while we Protestants...except our Pentecostal friends of course....pretty much keep the worship event intellectually in our heads or at best in the emotional heart.
I am not romanticizing my observations. The Benedictines are noted for the rule of order and the services are held at exactly the same time on each day with a litany just for that day, every week, every month of the year. Their notion of community is so important that one of the priests is designated as the "hummer", in my words, the one who initiates each and every chant and response by humming the proper note so the congregation can all be in step with each other; God forbid someone sings "Amen" ahead of somebody else!
I share this with the deepest respect and affection for the cloister that has welcomed and included me, as far as able, throughout this week. The spirit of the Lord is present here, of that there is no doubt!
At the base of the cliff side on which the Monastery is perched is some type of private park used for gatherings. A wedding is being held and they are using a PA system that is piping the words and music straight up the hill. After a week of hearing little but the waves and birds, the music (Motown; "My Girl", "Respect", etc.) seems out of place. But of course for a wedding it isn't. As it turns out it's a Jewish wedding and the band breaks into folk dancing and "Havanagila". The laughter and joy can be heard 1,200' up the mountain.
Talk about 'worship physicality' as they hoist the bride and groom on the crowd's shoulders and dance them around the park! I don't know about my cloistered Camaldolese brothers and their, and mine, cherished silence but my hunch is that the Lord is with our Jewish wedding neighbors, too.
August 27, 2010 – New Camaldolese Hermitage, Big Sur, California
All week long I have been wrestling with a sin of omission which I committed years ago, remaining silent when I could have spoken up which may have hurt a family member. I came to Lauds this morning to find we were singing David's wonderful hymn of forgiveness, Psalm 51:
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from you presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of my salvation
And renew a right spirit within me.
O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice or would I bring it;
You do not delight in burnt offerings.
The sacrifice you require is a broken spirit;
A broken and contrite heart, O God,
You do not despise.
Now David's sin was of commission and intent. He committed adultery with Bathsheba and had her loyal husband Uriah killed on the battlefield to cover it up (2 Samuel 11:1-f). My sin would never make the headlines but it pains me to remember it none-the-less. I could have said something and I didn't, for lots of reasons at the time and someone in my family could have been hurt by my remaining silent. To the best of my knowledge no one was but I still feel ashamed. It happened 20 years ago and it still breaks my heart.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
In his book Generation to Generation, Edwin Freidman defines individual, family and institutional health based on the premise of "self-differentiation":
"Differentiation means the capacity of a family member to define his or her own life's goals and values apart from surrounding togetherness pressures, to say ""I"" when others are demanding ""you"" and ""we"". It includes the capacity to maintain a relatively non-anxious presence in the midst of anxious systems, to take maximum responsibility for one's own destiny and emotional being." (Edwin Freidman, Generation to Generation, Guildford, 1985, p. 27)
Relationships at home, in the extended family, in the institutions in which we live and work, such as the church, are poisoned and problematic when we refuse to speak, or avoid speaking, our truth directly. So often we will 'triangulate'; talking to everyone but the person about whom we have concerns, most often about them and their issues. We will project our own fears, frustrations or dreams on to someone else rather than taking responsibility for meeting our own needs; we do this especially with those in leadership positions. All too often we will remain silent to meet the expectations of those around us to maintain the status quo rather than risk change by speaking out. Friedman suggests that we learn and repeat these patterns from our families of origin. Resolving the issues of conflict and anxiety at home, the extended family and/or the organizations in which we participate, begins not by fixing the others' problems but by examining our own communication patterns, their roots within our family history and then taking responsibility to speak honestly and directly from our own needs or concerns.
I wish I knew about this 20 years ago. I wish...I want...to learn to practice it now!
When confronted by the prophet Nathan about his sin with Bathsheba and to Uriah, and witnessing God's punishment as his child with Bathsheba dies, David finally is willing to take responsibility for his actions and he writes Psalm 51.
...grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you.
I've learned the lesson many times, and must continue to, that the price of triangulating, projecting and avoiding only hurts everyone involved. Getting out of the trap can be as simple as beginning our sentences in the first-person, with "I" instead of "you" which is blaming and "we" which is manipulative and controlling. "I want...I feel...I need" is empowering language for the speaker and the listener, encouraging them to come to their own expression in response rather than having to defend a position or argue a point in a debate.
Getting out of the trap means finding the courage to take responsibility for your life instead of passing it on to others with blame and resentment; to speak the truth in love even when it ruffles the feathers of those we love, even when it means facing those with whom we are in conflict or concern rather than talking all around them.
I don't know that David ever came to such awareness but at the moment he wrote Psalm 51 he spoke for every child of God who has blown it and seeks a second chance.
And that's me, that's me, O Lord, standing in the need of prayer......
August 26, 2010 – New Camaldolese Hermitage, Big Sur, California
After two very hot days the fog rolled into the coast yesterday. When a high-pressure center sits off the coast the sea goes calm, the temperatures rise and the fog disappears. Now that the valleys are heating up the convection engine generates hundreds, if not thousands of square miles of fog.
A few miles down Hwy. 1 is a mammoth engineering undertaking, as contractors with huge cranes, mobile cement plants, all sort of heavily machinery and hundreds of workers try to shear off the side of a mountain and shore up the cliff side for a road way. It's really impressive. And minuscule compared to the mechanics at work to generate a fog bank along 300 miles of California. Meteorologists may be able to describe the process, even measure the inputs and results. But as we comprehend all that is involved with an eco-system such as this we touch on the transcendent.
After the Vigil bell at 5:30am I got up, made myself a cup of tea and sat out in my meditation garden gazing at the majestic view. The waning full moon hung in the sky that began to show pinks and purples as the sun rose. When its light hits the fog bank the vapors' molecules expand giving the golden appearance of a gigantic wave of cloud approaching the darkness out of the light.
After the 7:00am Lauds service I walked a mile down into the fog to a bench that when clear seemingly overlooks the whole world. But in the fog there was nothing to see. Only feel the coolness. Only hear the sounds of invisible birds flying and the invisible waves crashing on the invisible shore a mile away.
I have fished off of Big Sur many times in the fog but I have never seen the phenomenon from this view, 1,200 ft. up a cliff. As I walked back up the hill and out of the fog it was as if I were walking on the clouds for miles around me. In a sense I guess I was.
I was struck by the poignancy of this morning's opening hymn:
In the deep sea a new life
Stirs on the fifth day; birds
On the wing cleave upper air,
Soar in the skies, while in the
Trees songbirds sing. Amen
Where the long ships will one day go
The silent shoals of fishes roam,
And in the reaches of the depths
The whales delight to make their home.
Thanks be to you, creating Lord,
Glory be to yours, all-suffering Son,
Spirit descend like news of joy
When our new day has just begun. Amen.
(# 269, Lauds & Vespers, Camaldolese Monks OSB, 1994)
The structured clarity of the Monks' worship is really quite moving. The words chanted seem to be for me, what I am praying about, what I am experiencing. Most are the repetition of scriptures. Many of the citations have been favorites for years so I am hearing them with new ears and eyes in this new context. After hours of solitude and silence it feels great to sing words out loud, even in a group of strangers, even with the oblique melody lines of half tones.
The mid-day Eucharist is a high point. The chapel and communion table is stunning in its minimalistic lighting and line. The homilies have been insightful and relevant. The words of the liturgy are beautiful, calling us to unity with God, Christ and each other as we remember and celebrate God's love for us in the sacrament. When the community is called to great each other 'with the peace of Christ' the hospitality is genuine and sincere even for this outsider.
That is until it comes time to share the bread and the wine. Then the words about unity in Christ ring hollow. As I come forward in the line to receive Holy Communion, as a non-Roman Catholic out of respect and politeness I am to cross my hands across my chest and receive not the body and blood of the Savior who died for me but a blessing of the hand of the communicant priest on my forehead. It is then I am physically reminded that I don't belong.
And I don't belong. I am a guest and visitor with the Camaldolese monks. And I am not a baptized member in good standing of the Roman Catholic church whose dogma still suggests that there is no salvation for those who stand outside.
In her book, Divinity and Diversity (Abingdon, 2003) Dr. Marjorie Hewitt Suchocki makes a Christian affirmation of religious pluralism. It's far beyond the pedestrian "all religious are the same" argument that we hear so often in sophisticated Bay Area circles.
If God is Creator and if that same God is revealed to us in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus, as Christians affirm, then that same One God is incarnate in all of creation, including within the diversity of cultural expression about that divinity. All religions* aren't the same and don't need to be as the diversity and freedom of that One God knows no boundary. We actually see such diversity and freedom in our doctrine of the trinity, as Father, Son and Holy Spirit, each distinct characters of divinity, interact in the divine community of the One God without losing their distinctions.
Quoting her teacher Rev. Dr. John B. Cobb, Jr., Suchocki writes:
Cobb suggests Jesus Christ reveals God as the power of creative transformation.....wherever we see creative transformation, whether in Christianity or any other religion, we see Christ....Christ is at work wherever transformation toward the good occurs. (p. 21)
This universal Christ can be the basis of finding common ground between the religions without having to lose the character and beauty of any one. Whether the creative transformation is called "Christ" or some other name, for those of us in the Christian tradition we can identify our Jesus at work in that community. And we may learn a new name for an aspect of the One God we had yet to consider. It can be the basis of developing dialogue and 'friendship', in Suchocki's words, between religious traditions rather than hostile judgment.
This is not simple religious relativism.
Although the One God as revealed in Jesus Christ can be found in all religions, even with different names and expressions, according to Suchocki, it doesn't mean that all religions are the same and any behavior in that name of religion is justifiable. The Christianity of the White Supremacists and Klu Klux Klan in North America is not the same religion as the Christianity of Mother Teresa's order in Calcutta, India. They might both use the same words and read from the same scripture but what good results from their practice? The same could be said for the Jihadist Muslims extremists and the vast majority of moderates in Islam. Or the Irish Republican Army Roman Catholics and the Camaldolese Monks in Big Sur.
Differing religions can listen and learn from each other new insights about the truth of the One God and life with Her but such relatively is based on the parameters of compassion; all historical religions exert the values of justice, peace, love, the rights and care of the marginalized and poor. Such good is not without definition. What compassionate good has the KKK, IRA and/or al Qaeda brought into the world?
Please note the qualifier. If it's the God revealed to us in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus the creative transformation is always towards the good. All of the historical religions agree in principal since their inceptions that "The care of God is universal and therefore none are to be excluded from participation in the good of the community." (Suchocki p. 79) Finding common ground then between the religions can begin with our commitment toward that which is good.
With this ethic of love as a baseline and with the greatest respect, I have to politely ask as a friend and a guest, "What good is served by excluding a Protestant from receiving the elements of a Roman Catholic Holy Communion?"
I can't really answer that not coming from that tradition. We have historic disagreements about the nature and purpose of the sacrament to be sure, along with many other issues such as the role of women in ordained ministry, celibacy, salvation and institutional hierarchy only to name a few. The Roman Catholic church does enormous good in the world and has at times participated in terrible evils. The same can be said for my church as well.
I know my experience is not unique as many a United Methodist parent has had to stand by while their child marries in a Roman Catholic church and every one but them and their party gets served. Many a constituent to our churches now comes because divorce has excluded them from the sacrament of their own Roman Catholic congregations. I can't answer what good is served by excluding me from receiving Holy Communion but I can tell you how it feels as one who loves God and seeks to follow his Son Jesus. It feels like a violation, a spiritual violation.
Should I refuse to associate with these folk? Should I protest and confront? Is my presence and honorable participation a reminder to these good men that they are not alone in their 'unity' but there are others standing outside? I would hope.
At least they have to look me in the eye as they bless me, one for whom Jesus died, the Jesus to whom they have dedicated their lives.
Please don't misinterpret my frustration as bitterness. Friends can disagree. Friends can learn from each other. My sense is...my hope is...that many of my brothers join me in the prayer that one-day the artificial walls of dogma and doctrine will come down and our unity will be complete.
If God is the God of creation, as we witnessed this morning in the beauty of the fog and the power of a hymn, how can anyone be excluded from His grace?
For Suchocki's purpose although most of Buddhism rejects the notion of God as an independent entity or source of divinity, Buddhism is practiced as a religion by millions all over the world, so she includes it in her definition.
August 25, 2010 – New Camaldolese Hermitage, Big Sur, California
In my little private meditation garden here at the retreat center is a beautiful young fig tree. The leaves are deep green; the deer come to breakfast on them in the morning. The fruit is coming along but not yet ripe, much to the frustration of the Blue Jays that check it out every day. It gives great shade in the heat of the day.
Yesterday's excellent homily during Eucharist was based on the story of Nathaniel's call to discipleship (John 1:43-51). Jesus calls Phillip as a disciple and he runs to tell his friend Nathaniel that "we have found the Messiah and he is from Nazareth of all places!" Nathaniel responses, "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?" They go to see this Jesus and the Lord identifies Nathaniel as a "true Israelite" in part because Jesus saw him "under a fig tree".
In first century Palestine, schools did not exist as we think of them institutionally. Rather "schools" comprised groups of students/disciples of a learned master/rabbi who met where and when he could. Could be a kitchen, the corner of the Temple, along a river bank. Sitting under trees was associated with education. Rabbis would often hold classes there for the study and interpretation of Torah. Apparently Jesus saw Nathaniel studying Hebrew scripture and considered him righteous.
Remember where the name "Israel" comes? After hoodwinking his brother Esau out of his birthright, Jacob has a dream at Bethel. During that dream the God of his father Isaac comes to Jacob and reiterates the Covenant promise he made with Abraham, that Jacob's family would grow to be a blessing to the entire world (Genesis 28:10-f). After years of servitude to his father-in-law Laban in Haran, Jacob returns to the Promised Land with his wives and all of his property. The night before he returned to confront his brother Esau, Jacob again has a dream in which he wrestles with a divine man/God on a ladder to heaven. Defeated the divine man/God gives Jacob a new name, "Israel" which means "one who struggles with God" (Genesis 32:28).
Children of Israel, and we Protestants consider us as such, are children of God's dream. God's dream for the future, our future and the future of history itself.
As a true Israelite Nathaniel pursues that dream 'under a fig tree' in his studies of the Hebrew scripture and eventually in his discipleship to Jesus.
The priest yesterday suggested that each person of faith pursues the same dream asking all there to meditate on the questions, "What is God's dream for me? What is the deepest longing of your heart?"
We often and wrongly conclude that it was a fig tree in the Garden of Eden ("tree of knowledge of good and evil", Genesis 2:9-f). Eve didn't bite into an apple. Medieval painters loved the fig leaf to cover the private parts of first humans in their art. No type of tree is identified in the text.
But Jesus makes it very clear that he identified Nathaniel and called him into discipleship in part because of a fig tree. That I am on retreat with one this week is significant for me. It reminds me to ponder God's dream for my life and my deepest longings.
Good questions for us all.
August 24, 2010 – New Camaldolese Hermitage, Big Sur, California
In Shakespeare's Hamlet, Polonius says to his son as he is about to travel to a distant land expecting to meet many unfamiliar and different kind of people, "...and above all this, to thine own self be true...." In other words, don't be swayed by conformity or dependence to actions or urges that don't reflect who you really are as a person.
These words were the worship theme listed on the bulletin at Aldersgate UMC, Palo Alto at which I worshipped on Sunday. They greeted me on the welcome brochure here at the Hermitage encouraging me to take the time to leave the world behind and get to know my true self again. They are inscribed on the AA poster in the retreat kitchen inviting anyone to the next 12 Step meeting.
For some reason I think I am suppose to think about these words on this retreat!
Under the rule of silence at this retreat center there are awkward moments when you encounter a fellow pilgrim along the road or in the common kitchen. A polite nod is about the most appropriate acknowledgement. Protestant tradition is so social and loud! It almost seems unloving not to speak to another sharing your own space. Yet we've all signed on for a brief period of time to focus on ourselves and our relationship with God rather than the constant social chatter. Rather than meeting others' expectations.
This has definitely been a theme for me this summer. Not having to meet other's expectations has been luxuriously self-indulgent. Until one is in a different context you don't realize how much of one's day is spent responding to, avoiding or nurturing what people expect of you. This is especially true of clergy who live intentionally with a huge load of public and private expectations.
"To thine own self be true"?
Can anyone really live disconnected from what others' need from them? Bonnie has had to pay the price for my self-indulgent journey this summer as I've gone off to 'do my own thing'. So have my colleagues at LAUMC. I am in their debt for such love and support to be sure.
I guess it boils down to a simple reality. It is so easy to busy ourselves taking care of everyone else, and by that I mean meeting their expectations, that we lose ourselves in the process. That might be better than looking inside to see the brokenness or confusion that is really there. Maybe we've built our self worth on what others' think about us and do for us. Maybe we are afraid we don't have a true self without the job title or plaques on the wall?
I know Shakespeare wasn't thinking about it when he coined the phrase but I am convinced that we find our true self in relationship to God. Not in meeting God's expectations but rather encountering God's graceful love for who we are and what we might become.
August 23, 2010 – New Camaldolese Hermitage, Big Sur, California
A beloved colleague and my spiritual director have been recommending for years that I experience a hermitage retreat, and specifically to try the Benedictine retreat center at Big Sur, administered by the Camaldolese Hermits of America (www.contemplation.com).
The retreat is two miles up a switch back road off of Hwy. 1, 50 miles south of Carmel. It is located on the cliff side of the Big Sur range of coastal mountains. In my section of the retreat, each of the nine retreatants' rooms has a private garden that overlooks the Pacific. There are short walks to benches and picnic tables along the road with even more dramatic views of the Big Sur. You can see for miles.
We are isolated. No phone service. No cable TV. No Internet. No talking, this is a silent retreat. It is an opportunity to get in touch with oneself and listen to God.
The rooms are clean and Spartan. Each has its own half-bath. There is a desk, chair and lamp, plus a rocking chair. The floor is carpeted. No maid service, you make your own twin bed.
Three meals are provided each day in a common kitchen. Breakfast is fruit and cereal with milk/yogurt. Lunch is the main meal served buffet. Dinner is soup and salad. It's all vegetarian. You serve yourself and eat in your room. You clean up after yourself, observing the silence that is the rule of this retreat.
There are a series of trailers for those retreatants wishing extra privacy and quiet. The folk here are made up of all genders, all ages and a number of races. We are invited to worship together four times a day with the 30 or so resident monks; 5:30, 7:00, 11:30am (with Eucharist) and 6pm.
Vesper worship consists of the singing of three psalms and two epistles in chant, antiphonally; the reading of an Epistle or New Testament lesson, the Lord's Prayer sung and a beautiful concluding intercessory prayer for the world and the concerns of the community. One of the monks, all of whom are dressed in alb, blesses the congregation with water while we sang the concluding hymn. After Vespers is a half hour community meditation in the chapel.
Only draw back so far. Flies. Clouds of flies. We are in the midst of a chaparral hillside. So far I've seen deer, quail, rabbits and all manner of birds. The heat of summer has finally come to California and it is well into the 90's. With the heat of the afternoon the kelp flies from the beach swarm up the hillside. Luckily they aren't biting flies but they are a nuisance!
The welcoming brochure urges retreatants to consider their space "....as if in paradise". Are there going to be clouds of flies in paradise??!! Or is this the plague that the devil sends the pious to distract them from God!! Evil is a reality but I've rejected the notion of an anthropomorphic source of evil (ie the devil) for years. Never-the-less, if the devil wanted to disrupt a monastery and silent retreat center it would definitely come in the form of August flies!
August 22, 2010 – Los Altos, California
What a joy to see a sanctuary full of kids singing! And they did this morning at Aldersgate UMC, Palo Alto, leading music and worship.
What a pain to share the news that the 23 year old daughter of one of the congregation's lay leading families...a young woman who grew up in the church and for whom the church was her extended family....was killed in an automobile accident this past Friday. Pastor Roger Morimoto's heart and voice broke announcing the tragedy. We can only imagine what the Nakamura family is going through with Krystal's death. But we can know that a loving Christian community will support them as they go through their journey of grief.
It is at times like this that a church is at its best, offering succor in face of unbearable pain. In his sermon, Pastor Roger reminded us that it is in times like these that we often do our "deepest living" and find God at the core. Prayer and meditation is wonderful. Service to those in need is crucial. Worship is a celebration of all that matters. And then comes the moments when life deals us a capricious and unwarranted loss. Where can we turn? Where can we make sense of this injustice? Who will hold us through the dark night?
At its best it can be the church.
The litany of the "worst" moments of the church is long and storied, to be sure. As institutions and as individuals within it the church has betrayed its values and itself again and again throughout history. We are a very human institution. No excuse for the brokenness we have, and in places continue to, spread.
And this morning, none of that mattered. All that counted was a young woman had died unexpectedly and of no fault of her own. Her church gathered, and will continue to do so, to point to the love that cannot die....the love that bound them together before Krystal's death and that will comfort and carry them through the days ahead.
And the children sang.......
August 18, 2010 – San Francisco, California, De Young and Legion of Honor Museums
The Bay Area is graced with an exceptional exhibition of pre-Impressionist art this summer. This group of French, male artists included Claude Monet, Pierre-Auguste Renoir, Alfred Sisley, Frédéric Bazille, Camille Pissarro, Paul Cézanne, Armand Guillaumin and Édouard Manet. Starting in 1872 they held eight annual public showings of their work in Paris without the sanction of the official state esthetic agency The Salon. They rejected much of the established themes and assumptions of The Salon which promoted an idealization of the past, in a highly controlled and technical style. The Salon's art was for the elite aristocracy of France.
The so-called Impressionists were interested in the dignity and beauty of the common person, modern life and describing their experience of what they observed not merely representing it with controlled technique. The Impressionists would be the precursors to the 20th century artistic movements stressing existentialism and the centrality of the personal experience rather than conformity to any external social standards by the artist. As Jackson Pollock would put it in the 1950's, "I don't want to paint nature....I am nature...." Thus his 'spontaneous' interaction with the canvas while dripping paint was as much about nature as a painter's landscape.
However we think of art history and its place in our lives, (...or lack thereof!), the Impressionists are an example of a group who comes to a new understanding and expression over and against well established conventions, and in do doing, launches a movement of new creativity and potential.
Over 200 years ago, the Methodists were just such a movement. Today we are an established and declining convention of the status quo.
Where will the vision and courage come for the movement to be reborn?
Today and in the future, the mission of a church will not be to get people to come on Sunday morning and join. That may have been the purpose of a church since World War II but clearly it is not operative today.
Rather the mission/vision/purpose of a church is to so nurture and inspire its existing community that we will go out into the world in loving service. Our goal isn't to 'bring in' it is to 'go out'. That simple mindset is revolutionary in many, many ways for an institutional church and it will take us a while to flesh out all that it means.
But we've begun here at LAUMC articulating the possibility for just such a new movement:
Who are we?
A church doing justice, loving kindness and walking humbly with God.
Why are we here?
To become deeply committed Christians knowing, loving and serving God.
Where are we going?
Touching heaven, changing earth with head, heart and hands.
Who do we welcome?
ALL regardless of age, cultural background, disabilities, ethnicity, financial circumstances, gender identity, marital status, or sexual orientation.
August 16, 2010 – Santa Fe, New Mexico
A 'milagros' is a small votive article used in Mexico, Central and Latin America as a focal point for a person's intercessory prayer. Milagros means "miracle" in Spanish. Some suggest that the conquistadores brought the tradition with them from Spain to the Western Hemisphere in the 16th century. A petitioner will attach a small tin milagros to a candle and say a prayer for healing. The milagros can be just about anything. You'll find tiny heads, hearts, legs, hands, houses, cars, horses, etc., etc., representing the hurts and hopes used by those in need of a miracle.
Today we are traveling with a husband whose wife recently broke her leg and a dear friend wrestling with Parkinson's disease. Bonnie spent her last day here searching for a source of milagros, assuming that Santa Fe would be a good place for them. And it is. Our friends really appreciated the sentiment when Bonnie shared her gifts and explained the tradition. She had learned about this from her best friend in college, a Hispanic young woman, and experienced it during our six months of residency in the Yucatan in Southern Mexico during my studies for a BA in anthropology.
Archeological digs from around the world would suggest that fashioning small devotional articles, in clay, wood or metals, for home use in prayer is an ancient and universal cultural experience.
Is this what the biblical writers were concerned about when they recorded YHWH/God's first commandments "You shall have no other gods before me...you shall make no graven images..." (Exodus 20)?
In part, "yes". The 'idols' mentioned were specifically those representing other local deities. For monotheism to take hold the Israelites had to reject all but YHWH/God, whose omnipresence, omniscience and omnipotence defied definition either by word or image. As Moses instructs the Israelites to prepare for the exodus from slavery in Egypt he insists that they leave their household idols behind and is discouraged to find much later in the desert wanderings that many of them didn't.
And in part, "no". The commandments to reject all other gods and idols were specifically aimed at the religions with which the Hebrews were in competition. Over the years while the Abrahamic faiths (Islam, Judaism and Christianity) have rejected overt image making of God they have allowed and fostered, to greater or lesser degrees, art making of holy script, images of saints and heroes in a variety of media, and images of devotional subjects that assist the worshipper in their faith. There as been a wide spectrum of practice of such devotional art making in all three religions, from strict abstinence to ostentatious display.
The milagros tradition falls in that Roman Catholic practice which is quite comfortable with physical art that points to God and our hopes and needs in relationship.
For Protestants in general we are probably most comfortable with music being that major source of art in our devotional lives; although there have been exceptions even with that.
What helps you focus on God in your life? How do we express our deepest hurts and hopes in our spirituality?
August 15, 2010 – Santa Fe, New Mexico
On August 7, the Taliban in Northeastern Afghanistan murdered ten volunteer medical workers with the International Assistance Mission (IAM). They were providing dental, eye and other medial services to tribal peoples. IAM has been in Afghanistan for many years providing such assistance under a variety of regimes, in times of war and peace. Although a Christian organization they pride themselves on working without any form of overt proselytizing. Their witness is loving compassion for the poorest people in the rural areas of Afghanistan. Their "enemies" have long respected their work and acknowledged the importance of their service to the poor. Why they were killed is still a mystery as they have had years of positive cooperation in Taliban areas.
Six of the IAM volunteers were Americans. One of them was Dan Terry, in country coordinator for IAM. Dan Terry was a graduate of Woodstock High School in Northern India. Woodstock, located in the hill country at a cool and comfortable climate, is a private boarding school for expatriate kids of parents working in the stifling heat of New Delhi and other Indian cities. Those who go to Woodstock develop a close and lasting camaraderie. Graduates of Woodstock hold annual reunions all over the world and were expecting to gather this fall back at the school. One of the organizers of this year's reunion is David Wagner, who grew up in Northern India with his missionary/educator parents and attended Woodstock along with Dan Terry. They were friends.
Connie Wagner is a member of our "pottery family" and was one of our original pottery students in Alturas in the summer of 1974. I had the privilege of performing the wedding for David and Connie Wagner years ago at the Canyon Creek Ranch. We see each other a couple of times a year when we fire the wood burning kiln or have a ceramic gathering. David and Connie sent word out to our community this week of Dan Terry's death and their friendship. I had been watching this story in the press but David's email has really stuck with me.
One of the moments in a pottery class of strangers that I have come to expect this summer is when I introduce myself as a full time pastor part time potter. Such news is usually met with awkward silence. Body postures change as if people take a step away.
During our sermon series earlier this year "When Christians Get It Wrong" based on the book Un-Christian we explored how negative the public persecution of Christianity is today in North America. Christians are associated as judgmental, prejudiced and belligerent people convinced we have the one and only truth and the rest of the world are going to hell. Unfortunately there are all too many examples, publicly and privately, of just such an attitude among those who call themselves followers of Jesus!
And then comes along the story of IAM and people like Dan Terry. Christians who live their lives in compassionate service without judgment and prejudice. Living examples of Jesus' teaching.
When I am asked to introduce myself I'd like to say, "I am a Christian like Dan Terry and his colleagues in Afghanistan." Of course, living and working in Los Altos is a far cry from service is a war zone, but I wish I could say to strangers...if not with my words with my life.... "I am a Christian like Dan Terry...doing justice, loving kindness and walking humbly with our God."
August 11, 2010 – Santa Fe, New Mexico
Process Theology, based on the philosophy of physicist/mathematician Alfred North Whitehead and articulated by a variety of contemporary theologians including my teacher Dr. John B. Cobb of the School of Theology at Claremont, suggests that God is in relationship with creation. It's the nature of relationships that both parties interact on and to each other and are free to do so. The notion of a distant God detached from creation and human events or a controlling God dictating each and every moment are foreign to Process thought. Rather what God does in relationship to creation, to each of our lives, is in each and every moment lure us to the best possible outcome for creative good. God doesn't control our choices. And God is not impervious to them. How we live our lives affects the nature of God as well. God is in relationship to creation.
Cobb suggests that Jesus Christ reveals God as the power of creative transformation. Creative transformation is the process of integrating disparate things towards something new....in the gospels the sick are healed, the dead raised, the sin-laden forgiven and ultimately, of course, Jesus himself is raised from the dead. Christ, then is the embodiment of creative transformation, and wherever we see creative transformation....we see Christ....Christ is at work wherever transformation toward the good occurs...(Marjorie Hewitt Suchocki, Divinity and Diversity: A Christian Affirmation of Religious Pluralism, Abingdon Press, 2003, p. 21)
God is the power of creative transformation. This concept has enormous implications, especially for how we relate to other religions (not the topic of this musing!). It is a concept I find true from experience as a preacher. The moments of inspiration that bring a preacher to the pulpit and are experienced during the act of preaching remain a central joy in my life. God is present in the creative moment of writing, speaking and dialoging about a sermon. That is as true for me today as it was when I began preaching at the age of 18.
It's also certainly true for my practice of art making.
Brad Schwieger, chair of the Ceramics Department at Ohio University, is leading the workshop I am taking here at the Santa Fe Clay Center. His style and technique of ceramic art is at times totally new to me and the other participants. For example, from anyone's beginning pottery course, one is taught to aim for the vessel to be as thin and light as possible while holding its form. For Schwieger, he purposefully throws his forms thick and heavy and then carves the excess clay away from the form with amazing and dramatic texture. Learning this new technique has been challenging to say the least! It's also been fun, exciting and full of new possibility. There have been some moments of absolute joy for me in the process amongst the frustrations.
When inspired to the new it is as if something more is happening than what we bring to the moment, what a teacher may bring and the environment around us. In that moment of inspiration something happens greater than the sum of the parts. Cobb would call that a divine moment, or a transcendent moment, asserting that God is present luring us to the new. Not just any new but the new full of possibility for good.
I like to think that happens even when making a pot. I know it happens in preaching. I know it happens in marriages and among friends and family relationships. I know it can happen as a scientist discovers a cure for a disease, or as a musician composes a new song or as a nation adopts new civil rights laws banning discrimination after centuries of racial segregation. It happens as an addict begins the road to recovery. It happens when a person leaves a dead-end job with a paycheck as the main reward and starts back to school or a new venture with passion as its compensation.
God is with us in those inspired moments that bring us to the new and better. Process theology suggests that such a possibility is continual and ever present.
God is the power of creative transformation. Preaching potters know this to be true!
August 10, 2010 – Santa Fe, New Mexico
Am I seeing things or is there a remarkable similarity between the New Mexico state symbol the "Zia" and the "Chakana" also known as the Andean Cross?
The Zia is found on the New Mexico state flag in red on a field of gold. It is an ancient sun symbol based on the number four:
- four rays of light reflecting in the four directions of the compass
- four seasons of the year; winter, spring, summer, fall
- four periods of the day; sunrise, noon, sunset, midnight
- four seasons of a life; childhood, youth, adulthood, elder
- four cornerstones of life; body, mind, spirit, community/family
The Chakana is found on ancient building sites and art throughout the Andes (Argentina, Bolivia, Chile, Colombia, Ecuador, Peru, and Venezuela) and is still commonly used today in those cultures. It is an ancient symbol based on the three levels of Andean cosmology (sky/heavens, earth, underworld) repeated four times:
- four points of the compass, universe
- four elements; earth, air, water, fire
- four seasons of the year; winter, spring, summer, fall
- four points of the Southern Cross, the stellar constellation used for navigation throughout the Andes
The central circle or hole stands for the universe and Qusqo, the ancient Inka capital understood to be a spiritual portal. It is conjectured today that the repetition of the 3 steps four times relates to the 12 months of the year.
The Zia was discovered on a late 19th century clay water jar at the New Mexico village Zia Pueblo. The peoples of the Andes, Mesoamerica and the Desert Southwest are linked in so many ways historically and culturally. One has to wonder if the Zia might be an acculturated rendition of the Chakana?
And please note that it was a potter who left us the connection!
August 8, 2010 – Santa Fe, New Mexico
The Nasca culture (100 BCE to 650 CE) was located in the extreme arid regions of western Peru along the Pacific Ocean in valleys south of contemporary Lima.* Ingenious irrigation enabled the Nasca to develop sophisticated agriculture allowing them to subsist in one of the harshest environments on Earth. Organized trade with neighboring societies facilitated their development as a people. They were warriors, determined to conquer and acquire neighboring regions, developing ritualistic head hunting and preservation along the way. And they were artists of the highest order, especially in the media of textile weaving and ceramic art.
The Nasca are popularly associated with their desert drawings. In the deserts of the Nasca region, the people etched out gigantic lines, geometric forms and naturalistic drawings (geoglyphs) of mythological creatures (Proulx, p. 10). The use of these lines is still debated by anthropologists and remains a mystery. One best guess is that they were used as ritual pathways for seasonal pilgrimages in correlation to the agricultural cycles. Picture modern day pilgrims walking the labyrinth at Grace Cathedral, San Francisco, with prayers for a good stock market!
But it was Nasca pottery that has made its most lasting contribution to Andean culture and history.
"Of all the materials available for artistic and symbolic expression, the Nasca people chose pottery to communicate their ideas to others members of their society." (Proulx, p. 13)
Nasca potters perfected the earliest usage of polychrome (multi colored clay slip decoration) technology for ceramic art in the Western Hemisphere and may have influenced the pottery of Mesoamerica and our own desert southwest cultures a thousand years later. The themes of their art were largely within their understanding of spirituality.
"The Nasca, like other Indian peoples of the Americas, believed that there was an active, sacred relationship between man and nature. According to this mode of thought, the divine order of the universe was reflected in the organization of society and in all-important activities of human life. Thus the control of water, planting of fields, harvesting of crops, preparations and celebrations of war, inauguration of rulers, and similar communal events had symbolic meaning and were bound in a ramifying network of connections, to the forces and phenomena of the surrounding land and sky." (Proulx, p. 200, quoting Townsend 1985)
The Judeo-Christian tradition has long been interpreted to assert an aggressive duality between humanity and nature. God gives us "dominion" over creation and all the creatures that dwell therein (Genesis 1-2). Ours is not an equality of relationship with nature, rather humans are at the center of the universe and can do what they will with the rest. Post-Jesus theologians such as St. Paul and St. Augustine took such duality to the deepest personal level decrying "the world/the flesh" as obstacles to be overcome in the quest for the "light" of spiritual liberation. Christians were to renounce and control nature, their nature, their bodies and its needs to be in touch with God. Plato articulated just such duality five hundred years before and most of the early church 'fathers' including Paul and Augustine were schooled in such philosophy.
Yet this dualism and its implication for our relationship with nature ignores the incarnation of God in the very human, worldly, flesh of Jesus of Nazareth. If the ultimate revelation of God's spirit is in the form of a human being how can the two worlds be at odds with one another? Jesus certainly did not reject his humanity; neither did Abraham, Isaac or Jacob, Moses or Deborah, Ruth or Jeremiah for that matter. The biblical record is full of very human and worldly people just like us finding God along the way of this earthly life.
Being in sacred relationship with nature rather than over-against it is a significant and urgent need for us today. We have lots to learn from societies that aspired to such.
One of the largest and best collections of Nasca pottery outside of Peru can be found at the Hearst Museum of Anthropology at the University of California at Berkeley. Check it out the next time you have a moment in the East Bay.
*(A Sourcebook of Nasca Ceramic Iconography: Reading a Culture Through its Art, Donald A Proulx, University of Iowa Press, 2006)
August 6, 2010 – Santa Rosa, California
Honeymoon, the new band in which my son Matthew and his wife Sara play, opened a concert for headliner Mary Chapin Carpenter at the Wells Fargo Center in Santa Rosa tonight.
This group of four outstanding female musicians, expert with vocal harmonies, keyboard, stringed instruments and accordion are also accomplished songwriters. All have played professionally in the Monterey area and have admired each other's work. They have come together in a collaboration of new music. Matthew Bollwinkel is on the bass and Matthew Bailey, Sara's brother and married to Christina one of the lead singers, is on the drums. These six young people all have full time jobs and have been rehearsing and recording furiously as their invitations to perform have grown. After playing in Santa Rosa, they drove to San Diego and two gigs in Anaheim over the weekend performing with the Mary Chapin Carpenter concerts before getting back to their day jobs on Tuesday!
My pride in their performance isn't simply for its excellence nor for their work ethic, both of which are extraordinary. We had a large contingent of family and friends there to hear their music and I don't apologize for being a proud father.
But even more than that I am proud that my son Matthew and his cohorts remain dedicated to their art as they begin careers, marriages and face the realities of building a life.
Most of us know how easy it is to put off our personal passion to creativity in order to pay the bills. All too many of us end up in day jobs that consume all we have to give and then some, leaving us exhausted at all levels. Spiritually many of us compromise our own voices to facilitate the dreams of others. The corporate/institutional world rewards such and in our area quite handsomely. Yet at the end of professional careers many of us look back with accomplishment for what we did for the 'company's greater good' at the cost to our own personal freedom and expression. How often do we hear that retirement is the time when we can finally get to that hobby, that passion, that interest we have long put off only to find the flame and purpose gone?
My father loved his work in radio/television broadcasting and often said, "Life is too short to do work you don't enjoy!" I am blessed to experience each and every Sunday not as work but as a gift, the high point of my week! I am proud that my son and his family/friends are committed to pursuing their music as they build their lives, not just putting off their dreams in order to pay the bills.
Who knows where the potential of Honeymoon will take these six? But that they are giving their music a chance to shine bodes well for their wholeness as people.
August 5, 2010 – Canyon Creek Ranch, Alturas, California
Forty years as a potter and it still amazes me.
When we "crack" ("open the door to") a kiln after a firing the sight of the pieces transformed by the fire seems other-worldly. The bit of clay you fashioned into a cup or a plate or a bowl, covered with slurry to lubricate, then styled to reflect the craft person's art and skill, then covered yet again with a concoction of mud, natural chemicals, metallic oxides and minerals to glaze a glass coating has, as a result of bathing in 2400 degrees heat, become something more than it parts and the craft person's intention! The fire transforms the ordinary into something extraordinary and lasting, if given the chance.
Thirty-seven years as a pastor and it still amazes me.
A person can be born with a host of the physical obstacles in life....blindness, CP, hearing impaired, paralyzed, etc..... and choose to live it with grace and purpose. A marriage can survive betrayal only to become stronger. A victim of abuse can move to wholeness and healing in spite of the wounds. Poverty and oppression will never hold some folk back while wealth and liberty can immobilize others. Consider your own transformative moments when tempered by the fires of failure and pain you became a better person.
How can that be? Yet it does, and it can, again and again. Amazing. Grace.
Maybe one of the reasons I am a pastor and a potter.
August 4, 2010 – Canyon Creek Ranch, Alturas, California
With the second firing cooling off in the kiln, shut down after an all-nighter, we now wait till the next day to open it up and see the results of our labor.
After a short nap it gives me the opportunity to do something I've longed to do; visit the Lava Beds National Monument 30 miles north. Along with spectacular access to geographic formations and caves carved out by ancient volcanic activity it is home to two significant sites in Modoc culture.
The Modoc people lived for over 11,000 years in the rich lands of the Lost and Sprague Rivers, Tule, Lower Klamath and Clear Lakes of contemporary Southern Oregon and Northern California, the eastern sections of both areas.
Following the Civil War, European settlers claimed these lands as their own and advocated the forced removal of the Modoc by US Federal Troops. A reservation north of the area in barren land was established for a number of indigenous tribes with long histories of antagonism and competition. The Modoc were a fiercely independent people and did not cooperate with the relocation, leading to a number of conflicts over the years. In 1872 a small group of Modoc warriors left the reservation to re-establish their home land with armed resistance and Federal Troops reacted with organized force leading to what has been called the "Modoc Wars of 1872-73".
The Modoc resistance was lead by a young man named Kientpoos, referred to by the settlers and Army as "Captain Jack".
The Modoc War was the only major Indian War fought in California, and the only one in which a general of the regular Army was killed....this was one of the most costly wars in our history. There were no more than 60 Modoc fighters and the maximum number of US troops present at any one time was 600...the fatalities included 53 US soldiers, 17 civilians and 15 Modoc warriors..." (A Brief History of the Modoc War: National Park Service)
Both sides in this conflict committed atrocities. Army troops opened fire on villages of unarmed indigenous non-combatants; women, children, elders. Meeting under a flag of truce and the authority of President U.S. Grant, two of three members of a Peace Commission, US General Edward Canby and Methodist minister Rev. Dr. Eleazer Thomas, were murdered.
Today you can see the location of "Captain Jack's Stronghold" where 60 Modoc held off 600 US troops. They fought in lava caves and alleys in fields of lava rock, the indigenous with a clear advantage of over the Army soldiers. Canby's Cross the site of the Peace Commission's murder is not far away. Both are historical reminders of the complex issues at play in the genocide of Western Hemisphere indigenous by Europeans following 1492 and the pointlessness of violence as a means of settling disputes.
Eleven miles from Captain Jack's Stronghold is the largest collection of indigenous rock art in California. Petroglyph Point has over 5,000 examples, some dating back 4,000 years. Carved on the sandstone rock walls of an ancient lake, the Modoc may have used the site for spiritual practice that we have yet to understand. But that they did so with art making can still be seen today.
This National Monument is way off the beaten path. Yet it's well worth it. The irony of this isolated location alone is astonishing.
Lava Beds National Monument has now been given the responsibility to maintain and promote two "WWII Valor in the Pacific National Monument" units. Just outside the boundaries of the Monument are the sites of the Tule Lake Internment Camps used in 1942 to imprison 110,000 Americans of Japanese decent. They were held there without charges, prosecution or trial. Memorial markers along Hwy. 139 mark the spots 'out in the middle of no where' where, as in a number of other locations, American citizens were imprisoned because of their race during World War II. Exhibitions will display information, photographs and memorabilia of those interned at Tule Lake, including a variety of arts and crafts collected from survivors made during their internment.
Out here 'in the middle of nowhere', we can remember some of the best and worst of our nation's history, spanning centuries, in this same spot. We can honor a government with enough strength and purpose to be willing to examine its past and speak truth to it.
Nestled in miles of farm land, wetlands and high desert, one of earth's unique geological formations is a place we can remember how people, at times under the threat of violence and tyranny will turn to art making to express their humanity.
August 3, 2010 – Canyon Creek Ranch, Alturas, California, 4:35am
Change is difficult.
In order to expedite the construction of a new wood burning kiln here on the ranch we have had to move our small gas kiln to a new location next to the construction site. We've been talking about this forever and this summer was the time to make the move.
It involved pouring a new cement pad, detaching the gas kiln from its source and then rolling it into its new spot, ten feet away. No big deal, right?!
Well, even a small move for a brick kiln, framed in welded angle iron, about 5' x 5' x 10' changes things. Bricks shift. Burner ports creek. The chimney had to be rebuilt.
We are finishing a Cone 10 (2400+ F) firing begun yesterday and have run into all sorts of minor snafus due to this move. After firing this kiln in one spot and with one routine for a number of years we grew used to its consistency of operation. Now we are scrambling to finish what we've started and learning new things along the way.
Isn't that true for any of us as well?
Just when we get settled into our routines things change and even when minor it's unsettling. We shift. We creek. Aspects of our lives have to be rebuilt.
Change is difficult. I guess when Jesus said, "Why worry about tomorrow, today has enough worries of its own..." (Matthew 6) he knew too.
July 30, 2010 – Canyon Creek Ranch, Alturas, California
Driving north on California highway 395 just past the Modoc County line and the town of Likely (pop 200), 15 miles south of Alturas, you can see a vista that stretches for miles and millennium. The South Fork Valley now lush green with summer hay is bracketed with cliffs of former lava flow, millions of years old. Who could have guessed as this geography was formed by heat and the convulsions of the earth, that one day this same place would produce food and fiber for thousands.
On my car stereo I was playing The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band CD. My thoughts were interrupted by George Harrison's line from "Within You Without You"*:
And the time will come when you see
We're all one, and life flows on within you and without you.
More than 'interrupted' the lyric informed the moment. I had just been thinking about how our time here on earth really is minuscule compared to the vastness of Creation. The valley and hills inspired me to consider my place in time. Harrison's lyric reminded me of a central truth; "....life flows on within you and without you...."
Sure its pop culture's interpretation of Eastern cosmology, however sincere Harrison was about his interest in things eternal. But the Psalmist knew the same truth:
When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars that you have established; what are human beings that you are mindful of them, mortals that you care for them? Yet you have made them a little lower than God, and crowned them with glory and honor. (Psalm 8)
The source of life flows within each of us.
Yet the Hebrew philosopher also knew that our moment in time is all too fleeting:
What do people gain from all the toil at which they toil under the sun? A generation goes, and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever. (Ecclesiastes 1:1-11)
And doesn't Jesus remind us of the same perspective?
And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life? And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you — you of little faith? (Matthew 6)
The source of life flows within each of us and that life will flow on without us as well.
What an amazing gift we are given in this life, children of the eternal, animated by the spirit of God. And yet how often we invest our egos on that which can never last. We will never find our self-worth in the opinions of others or the trophies of social status.
Spending a summer away from the privileges of my own status and the generous affirmations of those I serve is a great reminder of who I am, who God calls me to be and my place in the scheme of things. How precious is a moment of beauty in the valleys and the music.
*"Within You Without You", George Harrison
The Beatles, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, 1967
We were talking-about the space between us all
And the people-who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion
Never glimpse the truth-then it's far too late-when they pass away.
We were talking-about the love we all could share-when we find it
To try our best to hold it there-with our love
With our love-we could save the world-if they only knew.
Try to realize it's all within yourself
No-one else can make you change
And to see you're really only very small,
And life flows ON within you and without you.
We were talking-about the love that's gone so cold and the people,
Who gain the world and lose their soul-
They don't know-they can't see-are you one of them?
When you've seen beyond yourself-then you may find, peace of mind,
Is waiting there-
And the time will come when you see
we're all one, and life flows on within you and without you.
July 28, 2010 – Sierra Nevada College, Incline Village, Nevada
The folks that oversee the research for and marketing of the Meyers Briggs Personality Inventory (MBTI) suggest that 18% of the North American population self identify as 'introvert'. I test as an introvert. This surprises many as I have a very extroverted job. But introverts can function well in extravert roles. It just exhausts them. And extroverts seek out solitude every now and then, but choose to refill their batteries with others.
Although a member of a minority daily dealing with all sorts of stigma and prejudice, I have empathy for members of the majority that have to put up with the likes of me. Bonnie Bollwinkel, who tests 'off scale' as an extravert should be given a medal for putting up with me for 37 years of marriage. It must be maddening for her to wait a day or so for me to formulate a response to a relationship question or to really mean it when I say "I'd like a quiet night a home"...quiet, by myself, leave me alone!
I have empathy for the circle of potters who are sharing my end of the pottery studio during the outstanding class in ceramic art offered by Frank Massarella from Ojal, California here at Sierra Nevada College. There are 18 potters in 24 spots in the studio so we are crowded around our individual workspaces. While these potters work they speak of their marriages, divorces, children, politics, the weather and what they do or don't like about other potters in the 'ceramic universe'. For the most part I am quiet, focused on the luxury of learning and trying out new techniques in my craft. I am polite when spoken to but don't go out of my way to offer much else. When my colleagues learned that I was a pastor and preached from the potter's wheel, they wanted to know what I said. I referred them to the archive of our LAUMC website. I wasn't interested in saying much more which seemed to frustrate them a bit.
Ironic then that I ran across this Emily Dickenson poem in my morning meditation:
I fear a man of frugal speech
I fear a silent man
Haranguer, I can overtake
Or babbler, entertain
But he who weigheth
While the rest expend their furthest pound
Of this man, I am wary
I fear that he is grand*
I don't want to make anyone afraid of me nor for them to think me arrogant. I guess I will have to speak up more and participate in the conversation.
I wonder if any of them follow the Giants?
*Final Harvest; Emily Dickinson's Poems, Thomas H. Johnson, ed, 1961, Little and Brown, Boston, #543, 1862, p. 221)
July 27, 2010 – Sierra Nevada College, Incline Village, Nevada
It takes your breath away. More than a cliché. It actually happens every now and then.
It wasn't the clarity of the color of blues one feasts on looking at a clear day at Lake Tahoe. Mountains in the background. White, billowing clouds forming before your eyes into thunderheads that will bring brief but powerful storms to Nevada.
Rather it was the full moon over Lake Tahoe. Shimmering light reflecting off of calm waters, illuminating each ripple for miles.
Stephen de Staebler, the renown Bay Area ceramic sculptor once began a slide show of his work with a series of photos from the Grand Canyon. Not the wide angle panoramas we've come to expect but close ups of the rock walls at the bottom of the Canyon, texture and line craved out over thousands of years by rushing waters. Sculpture on a scale beyond human effort or imagination. He said, "And we have the audacity to call ourselves 'artists'!"
I have the privilege of working with the brilliant and nationally recognized ceramic artist Frank Massarella from Ojal, California this week at a workshop for potters. He makes extraordinary functional pottery....tea bowls, cup, pots, serving bowls, vases, plates and platters, things one uses everyday....decorated with unique spontaneous patterns and colors that potters, such as myself, want to emulate. These smears and globs and dings of clay become as if abstract paintings of clouds, water and light on a coffee cup or fruit bowl. It's beautiful and inspiring!
And a full moon shimmers over Lake Tahoe. A reminder that our art, as significant as it is, is a transitory effort to capture the beauty we can see all around us in creation. That we stop to notice, that we make the effort to capture and record, that we let our imaginations and skills combine with the inspiration we find in such moments of mindfulness, is no small thing. Art making is one of the things that makes us truly human. Our paltry efforts in clay, music, dance, or any of the multitudes of artistic medium makes a lasting contribution to our own and others' awareness of the beauty to be discovered in each moment. That's significant to be sure.
And a full moon shimmers over Lake Tahoe.
July 26, 2010 – Sierra Nevada College, Incline Village, Nevada
After a day of church, brunch and good friends, very excited to be at SNC for a ceramic workshop with a nationally recognized potter and a fully equipped pottery studio. After I get settled into my dorm room (four bunk beds, private bathroom, small fridge and microwave, color TV with cable, not like anything I had a UOP forty years ago!) I call bonnie to see how her flight went from Reno to San Jose. All was fine. The best cell reception was in the middle of the dormitory parking lot. No sooner had I hung up to return to the dorm than a large California brown bear appeared between the entrance and me!
This was no cute little cuddly baby bear. This was a fully-grown adult bear, and obviously well fed. I exclaimed, "Well hello there!" Having never encountered a bear before nor expecting to find one at a pottery workshop I didn't know what else to say! I froze. We looked at each other and the bear quickly turned away, heading towards the loading dock of the nearby campus cafeteria. My heart was racing and I made my way into the dorm immediately.
Mentioning it to the school staff the next morning, they were very blasé; "Oh, we get bears all of the time looking for garbage to eat." Somehow this didn't get mentioned in the course brochure!
I haven't seen hide nor hair, literally, of the bear since and frankly I don't want to.
Almost 25 years ago a new United Methodist church in South Reno was 'planted'. The three existing UMCs in Reno/Sparks organized volunteers to go door-to-door canvassing the target growth potential neighborhoods for the new church in the south of town. We put together Conference and District funding to hire the first pastor. He and I would become good friends as he worked seven days a week to launch a new congregation, first meeting in the cafeteria of a public school.
When we broke ground for their first building I was there and haven't been since this morning. Their beautiful and modern facility serves a congregation of over 400, the most successful new church start in our Conference for decades. The congregation was friendly and warm, very multigenerational, excited about and committed to a number of significant ministries in the community. Worship was fun, inspirational and engaging.
It brought back great memories and a sense of hope for our institution. And it brought pain as well.
The organizing pastor, who did such a fabulous job of starting this new church, has had to leave the United Methodist ministry due to malpractice. He is doing a lot of positive things to get his life back together and to heal. I consider him a friend and only hope to see him prosper in this next phase of his life.
Sitting in worship this morning with Bonnie I experienced a number of mixed feelings, as you can imagine. It was also a profound reminder as a clergy person that the success or failure of a church's ministry is not all about us.
My brilliant personality, insightful preaching and compassionate heart do not make or break a church! Personal gifts and graces, or lack there of, can help or hinder the formation of a Christian community to be sure but its ultimate mission, vision and purpose is much, much greater than any one pastor.
It was apparent this morning that South Reno UMC is going to have a bright future with or without its founding pastor. That he wasn't there, or sent off at the end of an appropriate tenure with gratitude for his accomplishments, is painful for someone like me who was rooting for him. Yet to see the church vitally alive in spite of two years of difficult transition was encouraging....and humbling.
LAUMC....or any church for that matter....will have a bright and significant future regardless of any one pastor as long as its people stay committed to "...doing justice, loving kindness and walking humbly with God....becoming deeply committed Christians knowing, loving and serving God....touching heaven and changing earth with head, hearts and hands....welcoming all...."
Can pastors Mark, Debbie, Cate and Dirk contribute to that future? You bet! But it's not about us nor is it dependent on us as clergy leaders. Our future as a church depends on the entire community that gathers at LAUMC and the work of the Holy Spirit among us. In the UMC, clergy will come and go, make their contributions and their mistakes, and hopefully leave the place a little better than when they found it for the next pastors who will do the same.
But in the end its not "Pastor John's church" or "Pastor Mark's church" or "Pastor Debbie's church". When we clergy forget that we can really get into trouble. When we remember it and celebrate that spirit working within us far greater than anything we can dream or imagine, then we remain agents of God's peace.
Keeping things in perspective is one of the reasons why we pray, any of us, clergy or lay:
"My thought [in prayer] which is nevertheless momentary, precariously seated in a tremor of my cerebral nerves, and embodied in a trifling act of strung together words, or the imaged ghosts of words; when I see how much of being and of truth is somehow balanced on the absurd pin-point of my perishable moment, I step into the contemplation of him who does not alter or pass, who possesses and masters all he knows." (Austin Farrer, The Glass of Vision, Westminister, Dacre Press, 1948, pp. 96-97)
Let's keep praying for each other and our churches!
Art Kess came to St. Paul's UMC years ago, following a painful divorce. He had been a significant leader at his former church and his ex-wife was on staff there. I was a young, new pastor in Reno and we connected immediately. This bright, committed, ambitious man was burnt out on church life as a result of his marital breakup but he knew he needed to belong somewhere, at least to worship while he was healing. We met and talked. I simply said, "Why don't you let us feed you for a while..." and that was all that had to be said. Over the years Art became one of out top leaders at St. Paul's and one of my dearest friends. I had the privilege of performing the wedding for his new bride Marcella; they are celebrating their 23rd anniversary next month.
Art is a rabid sports fan, especially University of Nevada Wolf Pack athletics and Bay Area professional sports teams, along with his love for the Boston Red Socks. His passion includes the San Francisco Giants of whom I too have a special affection. Since leaving Reno in 1989, Art, Marcella, Bonnie and I have attended many a Giant's game, making a weekend of it, the Kesses and Bonnie dashing up the AT&T Park after I preach in the morning on Sunday. We stay in touch by phone and email. This year we planned to attend some Reno Aces minor league games against the Fresno Grizzlies, the SF Giants' minor league team.
Our baseball weekend is different this year. At the age of 67, Art has been diagnosed with Merkel Cell Carcinoma, a rare and terminal cancer; only 1,200 cases are reported globally each year. He is undergoing chemo right now to buy as much time as possible. He has a fantastic attitude, family and support system. He will make the most of this challenge of that I am sure.
When Art had an operation to remove a tumor in May I wanted to go up to Reno to pray with him before the surgery. Rather, he asked, "Mark instead would you do my funeral for me?" When that day comes it will be my honor to do the best I can with a broken heart and with the full assurance that his is a life well lived. Art Kess has been there for me throughout our friendship and I just want to be there for him and Marcella now.
As soon as we learned about Art's situation, Bonnie and I placed him on the LAUMC prayer concerns list. Many of you have been praying for him even though he is a stranger to you. Thanks!
In their book Primary Speech: A Psychology of Prayer (Westminster John Knox Press, 1982) Ann and Barry Ulanov write:
"Intercessory prayer pulls us into the tow of God's connectedness to everything." (p. 92)
We say it every week from the pulpit. The opportunity we have to pray for one another is one of the most tangible ways we have of knowing and serving God.
My buddy Art Kess knows that to be true. So do I.
July 22, 2010 – Canyon Creek Ranch, Alturas, California
There is an old adage in ceramics arts that "you are either a mud person or a fire person". Potters classify themselves in these two main camps. One's passion is for the forming of craft and art out of the wet and malleable clay and the other's passion is for the firing of such pieces at high temperatures covered with glazes. Now anyone with the addiction to ceramics arts has to love both aspects of the process, but in general potters emphasize one aspect of the process in their work more than the other. I am a mud person.
That isn't to say I don't love opening a kiln to see the magic of transformation that occurs under high temperatures and the chemistry of glaze. Opening a kiln after a firing is no less a thrill that a child's on Christmas morning! And although I have experience with all aspects of kiln firing, I find the mixing and testing of glazes tedious, the preparation and loading of a kiln nothing but hard work, and the actual firing of a kiln....depending on fuel, maturing temperature, and kiln technology...at best a good excuse to lose a few nights of sleep. It's all a part of the same process. But for me the joy of pottery is in working with wet clay during which a potter brings skill, vision and hope to a creative moment. I am a mud person.
I envy the Master Potter, for many reasons not the least of which is they will have a crew of younger artists do all of the many physical and often menial tasks involved in the process, allowing the Master Potter to concentrate on his or her ceramic predilection; mud or fire. I will never have that experience but after three weeks of daily work with clay I can sure day-dream of what it would be like!
One gift of this sabbatical/Spiritual Renewal Leave is the luxury of rediscovering one's self away from daily responsibilities and the input/approval/needs of other's expectations. Here at the Ranch pottery in the ceramic process I only have to meet my own. Other than my partner's input nobody is watching me!
And in that gracious freedom I am reminded and celebrate that I am a mud person!
I am not the best the best potter in the world! After 40 years I still have so much to learn. I make many, many mistakes and failures along the way. At times I am frustrated and confused. And yet in my dance with clay there are moments of real inspiration and accomplishment. Thank God!
We all have to find that place of self-definition and acceptance where we grow comfortable in our own skin, warts and all. What ever it is that God calls us to do there is joy and grace to be discovered in embracing who and what we really are for all of its worth and limitations.
In the book Primary Speech: A Psychology of Prayer (Westminster John Knox Press, 1982) Ann and Barry Ulanov suggest we experience that even in our prayer lives:
"We must be willing to choose ourselves, knowing all we do about our inadequacy as central channels for God's grace, our unworthiness to pray for anyone and everyone....we must accept that appointment to grace and prayer with a kind of biblical sense of humor, recognizing that we would not choose ourselves if we were not already chosen...." (Ulanov, p. 95)
We are each chosen. Rediscovering what for and how is a real gift.
July 20, 2010 – Canyon Creek Ranch, Alturas, California
On hot days at The Ranch we will often end the day with a bath in the Koi pond next to the house. The pond is fed by a natural geothermal spring, coming out at 78 degrees year round. The pond, about 20' in diameter is home to five huge and colorful Koi, a school of tiny fingerlings, some frogs and a pair of turtles newly discovered. It is also the location of a 'flock' of beautiful dragonflies. I love to float in the pond after a bath and watch the dragonflies hover and dive bomb; they come in a variety of colors so I would imagine they are a variety of species.
A couple of days ago, while floating in the pond, the wind blew a small spider onto the surface of the water. It was actually walking on the water, its weight and legs keeping it from going under. I was amazed to see this animal skimming on the surface, naturally accomplishing what only Jesus could do and Peter try only to fail. I would imagine that there must be a number of 'water walking' insects in the world but I have never been this close to one and it was fascinating.
When it was about three feet from me, bubbles started to appear around the bug. The minnows were checking it out as a possible food item. Then in a flash the spider disappeared in the mouth of one of the large fish, a tasty snack!
So much for the "Jesus spider" I thought to myself. Just because you can walk on water doesn't mean you get to escape the realities of life. Jesus certainly didn't!
July 18, 2010 – Canyon Creek Ranch, Alturas, California
My friend and pottery partner Dick Mackey is a self described "Christian Buddhist". After a long conversation he shared with me two articles describing the term "shenpa".
"Shenpa is the urge, the hook, that triggers our habitual tendency to close down. We get hooked in that moment of tightening when we reach for relief. To get unhooked we begin by recognizing that moment of unease and learn to relax in that moment." (Pema Chodron, Shambhala Sun, 2008)
Dick and I had been talking about our kids and the tendency to stick our parental noses into their choices, trying to fix things for them so they avoid pain and failure. We do this even though our kids are well into adulthood with their own marriages, children and professional lives.
But the concept involves much more than parenting challenges. Someone says a word to us or about us that we consider mean spirited, a decision at work doesn't go our way, we don't get invited to the event that 'everybody else is going to' and even though we don't know the details we take it as a slight. These and many more instances could illustrate how we get hooked into negative thinking, most often about ourselves, and negative behavior, most often directed to ourselves...such as our favorite addiction...as a vain attempt to alleviate the discomfort of anxiety about that over which we have no or little control.
Removing wounded ego from our relationships and interactions goes hand-in-hand with detaching from the outcome of those events out of our control; such as the choices of our children, what people think and say about us, etc. Master Chodron's suggestion is that regular meditation can increase our awareness of "getting hooked" and can give us tools to remove ourselves from it when we find ourselves there. The 'Christian' suggestion is the same; prayerful surrender. Or as the Twelve Step programs begin, "...consciously turning our lives over to a Power Greater than ourselves..."
Such wisdom even applies to making a pot!
I threw a beautiful, huge fruit bowl for my sister Karen the other day. Dick and I both admired it as it dried on the shelf. The next morning I came back to find that due to its size, the heat and lack of humidity, and the imperfections of the throwing the base of this beautiful, huge bowl and cracked. I discarded the piece immediately into the recycle bucket so the clay could be completely dried and then reconstituted.
I was frustrated at first, at the clay, at my lack of skill as a potter. But the moment of discarding the cracked clay into the recycle bucket, which I did with decisive flare and force, was a release for me. It was a liberating moment from being hooked into this one piece and all the emotional baggage I had invested in it. I surrendered to the rhythm of the clay, vowed to learn from it and got ready to make another.
There is so much out of our control in life. By its nature we make every effort to control those events and relationship in the hope of alleviating the discomfort of insecurity. Of course we need to give our best to our relationships, our work, our choices....even the pots we make! But in the end the out come of those people, places and things are out of our hands and the investment of our pride and unmet needs is rarely helpful.
The first step is the conscious decision to pay attention to the moments when we get hooked! And prayer and meditation is a great place to hone that mindfulness.
July 17, 2010 – Canyon Creek Ranch, Alturas, California
The rhythm of The Ranch during the summer begins early in the morning, often around 4:30am before sunrise, as soon as there is enough light for the haying process to resume. Cutting, raking, baling and then stacking the hay is best done in the cool of the morning. Afternoon temperatures can reach 100 degrees and haying is hard work even in the best of conditions, so as much is done early in the day as possible.
On a good day I usually sleep six hours. I am repeating patterns inherited from my father and grandfather. The older I get the less I sleep. I am an early riser for sure. Going to bed usually around 11-11:30pm, if I sleep past 5:30am I feel like I've "slept in"! It is not unusual for me to be up at 4:00am. These early morning hours are precious to me. Its when I read, journal and meditate. This is especially true here at The Ranch.
I love watching the sunsets here in Modoc County. I love the dawn even more. The colors of the sky, the music of the stream that runs by the house, the sounds of the cattle and birds as they rouse and the lack of mechanical noise is glorious. It's the perfect time to write and pray.
You might think that odd behavior for one on sabbatical. Isn't this supposed to be a break from my professional routine? Aren't I supposed to refrain from work? Well, I can't refrain from being me, and writing and prayer are just a part of who I am. One of the gifts of this spiritual renewal leave in the first month has been the constant reminder of who and what I am apart from the daily senior pastor responsibilities at church.
In the book Primary Speech: A Psychology of Prayer (Westminster John Knox Press, 1982) Ann and Barry Ulanov eloquently challenge our extremely limited notion of prayer:
"...to go on praying in the midst of suffering, to go past discouragement, to go past conflicting feelings, and to get over the loss of the quickening imagery on which our prayer so much depends....hold on to the imageless dark when we hear no answer and feel no result....to persevere so that we can disidentify our insistence on linking prayer with pleasant moods, so that we can penetrate further into the dark origins of our yearning for God, no longer coming to God simply for what God can do for us..."
"Unless we lose our images of an endlessly yielding God who will perform all our miracles for us, we will lose instead the whole venture of praying and what it means." (Ulanov, p. 67)
Prayer is a conversation, the developing of a relationship. God isn't some kind of celestial candy machine in which we deposit the right words and from which our bidding is dispensed, a resource for our manipulation when we are in trouble which goes ignored when things are fine. In fact as we leave "the right words" of our religious orientation behind, as we finish our laundry list of concerns and desires [as important as they are!] prayer enters that realm of silent stillness where we can listen as much as we fill up the spiritual airways with our thoughts and words.
I will not be 'taking a break' from writing and prayer, it's just who I am and what I do. I will be writing and praying till the day I die regardless of my professional responsibilities or title.
Early at home in Los Altos, in my special spot in the living room, with a cup of tea, on the couch on which Bonnie is complaining I am imprinting my body image to the detriment of the rest of the furniture, is a perfect place to begin the morning. So is my special spot here on The Ranch, as the sun raises, the dogs bark and the cool breeze heralds a new day.
And on top of that, I get to make pottery in the studio all day while my friends and ranch family are haying. What a gift!!!
July 16, 2010 – Canyon Creek Ranch, Alturas, California
"In Thine arms dear Lord I lay me...."
"The Lord is my shepherd...."
"Our Father who art in Heaven...."
Of course God doesn't have arms, isn't a shepherd and is not a biological parent residing in the clouds but these words, which start some of our favorite prayers, speak volumes about what God means to us.
No words can ever be adequate in our attempts to speak about infinite and eternal divinity. In spite of an enormous body of tradition, including our own, we very finite and mortal beings are ultimately left with mystery when it comes to the nature of God.
Which is one reason why our relationship with the divine Other has inspired music, poetry, drama, paintings, sculpture, dance and so much more art since our ancestors painted on the walls of caves.
"...the arts bring a kind of harmony to the imagination without which the enlightenment to which we direct ourselves in prayer would be all but impossible...We understand whatever we do of being and creation through metaphor." (Ann and Barry Ulanov, Primary Speech: A Psychology of Prayer, Westminster John Knox Press, 1982, p. 40)
Is it no wonder that our sanctuaries and cathedrals are places of great art?
We Protestants have a tradition of skepticism when it comes to the statuary of the Roman Catholic places of worship. Concerned about the commandment prohibiting the worship of idols many of us find the images of saints, often as focal points for candle lighting and prayers, strange and confusing. During the Reformation backlash, certain Protestant sects banned any artistic images in their worship spaces, prohibited the singing of hymns in harmony (as they contributed to pride) and in the most extreme cases burned women as witches if found with devotional objects or textiles.
We can create idols to worship out of all manner of things, from our stock portfolios, to our credit cards, to our diplomas on the wall. They don't have to be human figurines in a house of worship. It all depends what we bring to the moment really. What we bring to the interaction with the work of art. It is an end in itself or a means to touch the Source in which "we live and move and have our being" (Acts 17)?
"In prayer we are constantly driven to use metaphor, especially after the initial noise of talking to God has given way to silence." (Ulanov p. 41)
The great art of history, from the clay fertility goddess found in multiple sites around the world, to Handle's "Messiah" uses the metaphor of spirituality to offer us an introduction to the spirit that is "beyond all we can ask or imagine" (Ephesians 3).
July 15, 2010 – Canyon Creek Ranch, Alturas, California
In our 37 years of marriage the longest I have ever been away from Bonnie is six weeks. It was back in 1978. I was given a fellowship to travel throughout South East Asia for a UM Board of Discipleship project collecting interviews and photographs for a filmstrip to be used by pastors in rural development. It would become the basis of my doctoral dissertation. It was important work but I was miserable.
Our son Daniel was 6 months old and changing everyday. We were getting towards the end of my graduate school education and graduation would be in a few months. Due to flight challenges my return was delayed a day. The airline put us travelers up in a tropical resort in American Samoa, as they had to send another 747 to complete our journey. Even in 'paradise' I was miserable. I just wanted to be home.
I finally got into LAX at 4:00am. Bonnie drove all the way out from Claremont to pick me up with Daniel in his car seat in the back of our VW. I will never forget the moment. They were the most wonderful sight I had ever seen!
Bonnie and I will be apart for five-weeks during my Spiritual Renewal Leave. I'll be gallivanting off to The Ranch, Nevada and New Mexico to explore art making. Today we have email and cell phones to stay in instant communication and the distance doesn't feel so arduous.
But today I miss Bonnie more than usual. It's our wedding anniversary. It won't be the first time we have been apart on this day but such absence has been rare. Most of the times we have made a special day of it. We are fortunate since many couples don't get the chance.
Our marriage isn't perfect and we have lots of work to do to keep it vital and growing. And...we have both found God again and again in this special relationship, for each other and for ourselves. And even at distance from my Sweetheart I celebrate this special day and all that she has meant and still means to me!
July 13, 2010 – Canyon Creek Ranch, Alturas, California
Meditating on Genesis 1:26 ["...we are created in the image of God..."] in her book Transformation (2010) Jean Nilsen suggests that we each "carry the seed of infinite possibility within..." (p. 41). Intellectually I find this idea compelling and true.
And as I reflect on my life I feel anything but "infinite possibility". In fact, I am more aware of my limitations than ever before. Physically, emotionally, professionally, my relationships and my future itself are defined by a host of boundaries, not all of them altogether bad. I've grown to accept myself in a comfortable maturity. There are lots of things I don't want to be or to experience that I choose to exclude from my "infinite possibilities".
Yet we are children of God. We are animated by the spirit infinite and eternal. We are indeed created in the image and likeness of divinity. What do I do then with my glaring and well-worn limitations?
In the book Primary Speech: A Psychology of Prayer (Westminster John Knox Press, 1982) Ann and Barry Ulanov suggest that we project our needs and wants onto the imagery/words/traditions we use for God. We will often craft our language about God reflecting the very things we lack in our lives or those dreams/desires we wish to fulfill. When we call God "father" for example, we may be projecting our need for 'a strength on which to depend' that we had experienced in relationship to our parent or a parent figure we never knew but for whom we still yearn. When we label God "love" it may reflect that which the world or our personal lives so desperately lacks, so we project our deepest hope and longing onto our image of the divine. This is not a bad thing; in fact it is one of the most human things we do in relationship with God. Meditating upon the words we use for God and what we might be projecting onto them is a great place to start our practice of prayer, according to the Ulanovs.
So what does it mean to project that we, as created in the image of God, "...carry the seed of infinite possibility within..."?
The finite possibilities of my life and this world are all too real. Those I love suffer from illness and loss. The chaos of poverty and violence seem unabated. I yearn for the promises of God's future that speak of a day when love, peace and justice will reign. I yearn for the promise of eternal future and redemptive love that can make sense of this broken world and all too many broken lives.
And I project such hope onto the God Jesus calls "father" for sure!
Oddly enough, this helps me appreciate my passion for clay and art making. This simple and mundane material has been used for millennium in seemingly infinite ways by human beings to improve their daily lives, build their futures, fashion their dreams about the divine. The practice and discipline of art making with clay in the 21st century profoundly reminds me both of my limitations and the infinite possibilities of creativity.
I wonder if that is how God sees us? After all we are just little bits on clay into which God has breathed 'infinite possibilities' (Genesis 2:7).
To the Liljegren family and those who gather to celebrate Shirley's life:
What a special lady! This feisty, intelligent and devoted member of LAUMC has left a lasting touch in so many of our lives.
Shirley could wear you down with her curiosity and principals. She was a force to be reckoned with. Yet her strong opinions were always tempered by her quick wit and warmth. Deep within was a huge heart of compassion. Her devotion to Bob in his failing years and her insistence on maintaining their life-long home were born out of that loving heart. As were her years of service and participation here at LAUMC.
She loved this church; its music, the fellowship groups and events, and the opportunity it affords for fellowship.
After a recent hiatus due to illness and the demands of Bob's care giving, Shirley has been coming back to her beloved 11:15am Sunday service, with their help of her sons. Up until this time she and Bob wouldn't miss a Sunday. We will miss her Sunday hats, the chance to go out to brunch after the service and that caring which drove her to enquire of the welfare of each and every church friend.....before, during and after the service. It meant the world to Shirley to come back to Sunday services and I really appreciate the second effort it took for her family to get her here.
The book of Genesis says "...that a man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home and the two shall become one life together..." From before World War II Bob and Shirley shared such a life together with many years of laughter and joy, and the strength in their togetherness to face the challenges and discouragements along the way. We can be confident that even in Bob's current physical frailty these two are bound together in the love that can never die.
Mark S. Bollwinkel
To Anne, the Akey Family and the community that gathers to celebrate his life:
For Bonnie and me, Lyle Akey will always hold a special place in our hearts. He was a part of the 'moving crew' who helped us move into the parsonage 11 years ago. That group of men and women made a special effort to assist their new pastor and lend a hand on moving day. Years later Lyle shared that when they finished their work that day and headed off to their cars, the 'crew' weren't quite sure what to think of their new pastor and his ability to follow the legendary John Dodson. Yet it wouldn't take long for them, especially Lyle, to become our biggest supporters.
Lyle taught us how to care for the beautiful roses in front of the parsonage, often doing most of the work himself in the early years of our tenure at LAUMC. To have a nursery professional teach you how to care for flowers was a very special gift indeed.
Many may not know that Lyle Akey was the anchor for the Monday Morning Prayer fellowship. For years he would copy the Prayer Cards from the Sunday services that afternoon for each member of the prayer team. And at the crack of dawn each Monday he would faithfully join the other stalwarts to begin the week with prayer for the congregation and their needs.
Lyle didn't miss a Sunday, a men's breakfast, a church work day or his favorite Bible study. He was a man you could count on and we did.
The book of Genesis says "...that a man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home and the two shall become one life together..." Anne and Lyle shared such a life together with many years of laughter and joy, and the strength in their togetherness to face the challenges and discouragements along the way. Anne Akey has been a wonderful and constant caregiver throughout Lyle's life, especially in these last years. Her patient love has been an inspiration to many, including Bonnie and me.
Anne and family, we share your grief today as we say 'good bye' to this good man. And we celebrate his life lived with such grace.
In the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) Jesus says of the early Christians, "You are the salt of the earth." That may sum up this good and generous man. His devotion, humility and faith has flavored and preserved the Christian community at LAUMC for years. He would be the first to say that he received more than he gave. Then we can take comfort knowing that in the richness of his blessing us that as he returns to the warm and loving arms of his Heavenly Father he now knows eternal peace.
Mark S. Bollwinkel
July 6, 2010 – Canyon Creek Ranch, Alturas, California
What is it about wide-open space that connects us to something larger than ourselves?
Whether it's watching the horizon from an ocean vessel, or standing at the top of the PG&E trail at Rancho San Antonio Park and spying Mt. Tam in Marin County, or coming across Hwy 299 from Redding to Alturas, when you can clearly see your surroundings for miles and miles it doesn't make one feel smaller and insignificant. Just the opposite occurs. A vista makes us feel a part of something greater, a part of creation itself.
Most of us live with fenced in yards. We are focused on the narrowness of our routines, the demands of the day and the information we are sending or receiving on the screens of our lives. Looking up and out at the stars, or the mountains or across a lake can bring us perspective of our place in the universe.
I've been coming to Canyon Creek Ranch a couple of times a year since 1974. It's like a second home to me in many ways. Between Redding and Alturas a driver crosses three 5,000' passes, each with a corresponding view of Mt. Shasta, Mt. Lassen and the northern Sierras. I still find it breathtaking. And I am grateful for the privilege to be reminded of the beauty of the earth.
July 2, 2010 – Qosqo, Peru, International airport
My bias for baseball as our national past time is well known; I broadcast it! My passion for the game lies in part because it is the game I played as a child. I love its expression of our American values and history. Yet I'd be the first to admit that as in so many other more important aspects of life such nationalism can distort reality. It's kind of silly to label the annual Major League Baseball tournament "The World Series".
Soccer is the world's sport not baseball.
While sitting in the transit lounge of Qosqo's airport a crowd gathered around a video display with a World Cup game. Men, women, travelers, airport workers, all ages, multiple languages being spoken were united in a game unfolding 12,000 miles away. Although strangers we cheered and booed and laughed and clapped together. Such scenes were being repeated all over the world.
Futbol is the same game we could watch being played in sandlots by groups of kids, youths or adults all during our travels in Peru. The same game that now sweeps up the young of North America, keeping families out of churches on Sundays as the numbers of new baseball players declines.
Soccer is the world's sport not baseball.
That doesn't take anything away from the beauty and importance of baseball for the USA but its passion is shared by only a few nations, and in fact has been dropped from Olympic competition because so few do.
When does our nationalism aid our ability to see things as they are and when does it blind us?
July 1, 2010 – Willa Tika, Urabomba, Peru
Just back from a two day trek to Machu Picchu.
"Words cannot describe...." "No picture could portray...."
Such trite clichés and yet that is all that comes to mind at Machu Picchu. This ancient Inkan royal haven in the Andes was constructed on the top of a 8,000' mountain in the middle of a mountain range of surrounding peaks 14-15,000' tall. The Urabomba River cascades around it. When the morning mountain mist clears a visitor is left with one of the most unique and awesome displays of natural beauty and human ingenuity in the world.
In the first chapter of Genesis God speaks creation into existence, separating light from darkness. The Inka knew this to be true as well. There are seven 'temples' at Machu Picchu designed to capture and record the light of sun, moon and stars as they measured the seasons and solstice; both essential to the agriculture and economy of the empire. These ancients developed a sophisticated mathematical and astrological system that helped them observe the divisions between light and dark, which became central to their spirituality.
Machu Picchu was a sanctuary for the elite of an ancient society. By mystery and good fortune it has been left for us and the future to experience. And after one such visit I can only say 'you have to see it to believe it'. Yet another trite cliché but maybe that is all we are left with whenever or wherever we really encounter God's creation. That is certainty true at Machu Picchu.
It was an absolutely beautiful day. The vistas of Sacred Valley were stunning. This isolated valley at 9,000' in the Andes is the home a many Inka sites now developed by the government not just for the tourist trade but for Peruvians to explore their heritage. A large majority of those we see at these sites are from Latin America.
The Temple of the Sun at P'isaq was a center for the summer solstice ritual so important for the Inka farming, economic and political culture in the 15th century CE. To reach the ruins one takes a bus from the valley floor up 2,000'. A visit to the ruins included an option to walk back down to the valley, visiting isolated sites along the way and enjoying the view. I decided to join the group walking all the way down.
It was an extraordinary opportunity, a once in a life time trek. The beauty of the walk was fantastic. And for a history buff it was a gift.
I also received the gift of a new understanding of my physical limitations! By the end of the walk my legs had gone out. I wasn't in pain. They just didn't work anymore. My muscles were so fatigued they no longer responded. My balance was gone and frankly I was in trouble. I wasn't scared but I was definitely into new territory.
I only fell once. No injuries. I made it to the end safe and sound, at times 10' at a time. When I finally got to sit down and rest, grab a simple lunch, after 45 minutes I was beginning to recover.
I got by with the help of my friends [thank you Beatles]! Our guide Gabriella and Rick Arnesen stuck with me, sacrificing their shopping time in the market place. Rick literally lent a hand and a shoulder to keep me steady.
I have never had such an experience of helplessness. It has brought up some interesting feelings and thoughts which I will definitely be exploring during the Spiritual Renewal Leave. Yet the overwhelming result is an acute sense of gratitude; for a beautiful day, the privilege of travel to another culture, the resourcefulness of a body which I have neglected and the compassion of friends.
Why do we find it so hard to ask for help? I needed to today and as hard as it is to do so I thank God someone was there for me when I needed it.
June 27, 2010 – Willka Tika, Peru
With every prayer, the shaman/healer would breathe onto coca leaf offerings, or the person to be blessed, or the sacred blanket which held all of our prayers.
In both Hebrew and Greek languages in the Bible, the word for God's spirit is synonymous with "air", "wind" and "breath". Our tradition has known since the beginning that God breathes life into us; it is God's breath that animates our living (Genesis 2).
So although from a different spiritual tradition...it can be argued one more ancient than our own....our Andean healer reminded us all of the atmosphere that binds all of life together, permeating everything living, that is accessible each and every moment to each and every one of us.
I'll never be able to sing "Breathe on Me Breath of God" without thinking of this special moment.
June 26, 2010 – Willka Tika, spiritual retreat center, Peru
A prayer offered at our first community gathering:
God of Creation, we thank you for the universe, the order of the stars, moon and sun and the gift of life within it.
God of Creation, we thank you for the earth, the sky, soil and water that provide beauty and abundance.
God of Creation, we are grateful for the ways You bring us together as community, that we might be a part of something significant beyond our selves.
God of Creation, we praise you for making each one of us as if your children. The spark of your Spirit resides in each of our hearts, its light warm with the possibility of love and service. And for that gift of life we are grateful.
As we seek to grow closer to You, to each other and to ourselves we pray in the name of the God of all people, Amen.
A day of sightseeing lead us to three major Inka sites now developed as National Parks in Peru. We began at a natural spring used for centuries as a healing and ritual site. The Inka built elaborate rooms, waterfalls and channels there. The use of trapezoid architecture and the precision stone work identified the buildings as of the prime Inka period 15th Century CE. One half mile away they built lodging where pilgrims could stay while using the waters of this spring.
Our guide explained the importance of water in Inka spirituality. Water is one of the greatest gifts of Pachamama the Andean divinity; "earth goddess" but much more conceptually than our notion of Mother Earth. Water is eternal, life giving and a conduit of energy that unifies all of life. Such ideas aren't unique to Inka spirituality but a powerful expression of universal experience; we hear their echo in Christian use of water at baptism, the use of the waters of the earth as sign of Yahweh's creation found throughout the Hebrew Scriptures, Jesus offering "living water" to the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4) etc.
Our guide asked us to stand around the well of this spring as it gushed over a beautiful stone wall. She encouraged each us in our own ways to open our hearts and minds to the Spirit that gives life and connects life in each of us.
As we stood in silence I couldn't hold back an old, favorite song written by Jim and Jean Strathdee. I interrupted the quiet singing...
We are drops of water, in a mighty ocean. We are sons and daughters of one life. Be not afraid of what tomorrow brings. Hold on to God's Kingdom, its justice and it peace....
What a wonderful moment. What a wonderful truth.
*the Quecha spelling of the capital of the Inka empire rather than "Cusco" the Latin influenced translation of the Conquistadors.
What's in a name?
Traditionally we use the Romanized "Inca" to describe the Andean empire and culture that thrived in the 15th century. In fact, in 1491 this was the largest, most prosperous, most organized economic and political empire on earth. According the Prof. Mann in his book 1491 (2007) within 100 years of the Spanish conquest the empire would be destroyed and 90% of its population dead. Only fragments of this culture remain due to the thoroughness of the Spanish domination and violence of that period.
Of course the militant Christianity of the Roman Catholic Church during this era was an integral part of this tragic story. It was their Latin that translated the word "Inca".
Prof. Mann prefers to use "Inka" from the Quecha language of the Andean people. An ancient language still very much alive today. He uses it purposely to remind readers of the effects of the European colonization of this people.
Such a minor change with so much meaning.
Today we witness an annual festival in Cusco drawing thousands of indigenous people to remember their Inka heritage. Costume, dance, singing and reenactments will fill eleven days of celebration. And it's a subtle reminder of all that was lost.
I am going to use "Inka" from now on too.
June 22, 2010 – In transit San Francisco to Lima, Peru
Flying on commercial airliners is no fun. They are crowded, cramped, noisy and often delayed. Checking in can be a real hassle. Although necessary the TSA security routine is a pain in the neck.
And.
To travel from San Francisco to Lima, Peru just a hundred years ago would have taken weeks, at much more cost, personal inconvenience and danger. Considering the comparison today's hassle is nothing and we are blessed to have such an imperfect system.
I need to remember that as I am forced to watch an insipid movie, sit next to crying babies and wait on the tarmac awaiting a mechanical repair before take off after airline employees made us run to the gate to get there on time.
I am blessed, even privileged to have the options and opportunities that few have enjoyed...ever! Dear Lord keep me from ever forgetting that!
June 21, 2010 – Los Altos, packing for Peru
So far it is absolutely strange not to be getting emails on my Blackberry every minute which need a response. It feels very disconnected....
Officially starting my Spiritual Renewal Leave today, I asked Bonnie, "So what church should we go to?" She responded, "What do you mean 'we'? I have a church to go to today, mine!"
I attended Trinity UMC, Sunnyvale and had a wonderful experience. Every one greeted and welcomed me. The choir of 12 sang beautiful anthems. The Chime Choir performed special music for Music Appreciation Sunday. Rev. Katie Goetz preached an excellent sermon full of insight, humor and truth. The presence of God is in that place and I went away remembering how significant the 'small church experience' can be.
I did wake up at 4:00am regretting that I didn't have a chance to preach today but I will have to get used to this for the next 3 months! After 34 years it's in my blood and remains a joy to me not a chore at all. Having said that, I really enjoyed receiving the worship experience today and Pastor Katie's excellent message too...I could get use to that I am sure!
June 19, 2010 – Annual Conference, Sacramento
One of the most powerful moments at an Annual Conference for clergy is the "fixing of the appointments".
In our denomination the Bishop and the Bishop alone assigns each pastor to their work within the Conference. Each appointment is made for one year and is reviewed by the local church's personnel committee (Staff Parish Relations Committee), by the District Superintendent and by the clergy person themselves in a process we call "Consultation". There are many opportunities to give input and make requests to the Bishop in the process. And...it is the Bishop and the Bishop alone who makes the final decision and assignment.
In fact, the appointment is not 'legal and binding' until it is announced by the Bishop at the Annual Conference. Forty years ago most clergy came to Annual Conference not knowing if the Bishop intended to move them or not, they would literally wait to hear the announcement at the "fixing". Then they would have a week or so to move to their next job. Today with our consultation process most clergy know weeks or months in advance what are the Bishop's plans.
The Itineration System may seem strange in such a modern business world but it is based on an essential aspect of Methodism. As significant as any one clergy leader may be, we do not foster personality cults. A clergy is as effective as they are able to point to God in our lives and in the world not to themselves. Effective ministry is not about us, nor dependent on our unique gifts. Each pastor comes into the life of a church, makes their contribution of strengths and weaknesses. When he or she moves on the next pastor makes their contribution and so on and so on building up the Body of Christ is that location.
And so we wait to hear our Bishop call our name at the "fixing of the appointments" during Annual Conference. It is an act of worship that includes prayer and song. It includes the "laying on of hands" as all other clergy and laity place hands on each one assigned in a communal prayer for 1,000 people. It's a powerful and wonderful moment.
That for the 11th year I have been appointed to LAUMC is a gift to me and Bonnie beyond measure. And that I have stood today with Pastors Dirk, Cate and Debbie during the "fixing" means the world to me.
June 18, 2010 – Annual Conference, Sacramento
While on a coffee break with a dear friend and colleague, we spoke on the journey of recovery from addiction. He reminded me of a favorite saying in Al Anon, a 12 Step program for families and loved ones of alcoholics; "No Expectations, No Resentments". The friction so often experienced in relationships comes out of unmet expectations. We expect time, attention, certain behaviors from those we care about. So often we don't honestly express those needs, wants and desires openly. We expect our loved ones to anticipate our needs. When such expectations go unmet resentment can arise in all of its ugly forms; anger, bitterness, passive aggressiveness, etc. etc.
My friend and I agreed that this happens in church life all of the time.
With tongue-in-cheek, he went on to say, "You're in charge of your resentments, not even God can take them away!" We and we alone choose to hang on to our resentments, hold them close, feed them with gossip and triangulation or negatively express them to the one who let us down. Or. We and we alone can choose to speak directly to the one/others involved with the aim to clarify misunderstandings, ask or receive forgiveness and make amends. The later strategy is the basis of letting the resentment go. The former the best option to hold on to the all grief that resentment can bring.
And the choice is always ours!
Amazing what one can learn on a coffee break at Annual Conference!
June 17, 2010 – Annual Conference, Sacramento
Ten years ago the California-Nevada Conference had 92,420 members; today we have 80,375 (-12,045). Ten years ago on an average Sunday 45,984 would worship in all of our churches; today 37,474 do (-8,560). These numbers reflect national trends in the decline of Protestant churches in general, the United Methodist in particular and the increasing secularization of our region.
Consider these numbers:
2009 California-Nevada Conference statistics
357 churches
230 average membership
105 average worship attendance
149 churches received not one new member
132 churches did not baptize one person
Only 88 churches held confirmation classes
Consider our congregation's numbers:
LAUMC
"The Top Twenty's Top" Award
The churches that appeared the most in the Top Twenty: Three tied with 5 times! Los Altos, Alamo, and Korean of Santa Clara Valley
New members #3
Baptized #1
Confirmation class size #4
Worship attendance # 2 (935)
Membership #2 (2572)
Largest Total Number involved in Christian Formation Groups: 1077
Most Children in Christian Formation Groups: 427
Most Youth in Christian Formation Groups: 198
Most Adults in Christian Formation Groups: 437
But what do all these numbers mean? That LAUMC is a leading and healthy church institution in our Conference? Yes, certainly.
And...if the purpose of our church is "to become deeply committed Christians, knowing, loving and serving God" these numbers don't tell us much.
We can sit in the pews or classes but that doesn't necessarily mean that we are becoming deeply committed Christians. We can baptize a baby but that doesn't mean they will become a person of faith.
The 'measure' of such would be people who pray, serve others and the church, study the Bible and their faith, people who are generous with their wealth and the story of their spirituality with others. The 'measure' of our faith is in lives lived with grace and justice. And those qualities don't always show up in institutional numbers.
So let's celebrate the opportunity for good we have as one of the leading congregations in our institution. Absolutely!
And.
Let's measure our success not by the numbers but by 'touching heaven and changing earth' with lives that count!
June 16, 2010 – Annual Conference, Sacramento
In his hymn "Will You Come and Follow Me (The Summons)" John Bell includes these lyrics:
Will you come and follow me
If I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know
And never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown,
Will you let my name be known,
Will you let my life be grown
In you and you in me?
Will you leave yourself behind
If I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind
And never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare
Should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer
In you and you in me?
Will you love the 'you' you hide
If I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside
And never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found
To reshape the world around,
Through my sight and touch and sound
In you and you in me?
For ordained clergy who have dedicated their professional life to Christ's ministry in the church these words are powerful. They inspire anyone who has felt the nudge to follow God's call in their lives. This hymn was sung at the beginning of our Annual conference Holy Communion service, one of the most creative and wonderful in years.
John Bell is the music director for the Iona Christian Community in Scotland acknowledged for its global vision of justice and contemporary worship. Iona is one of those 'thin places' on earth where pilgrims gather to retreat and re-touch spiritually. I've made two trips to Iona and both have been highpoints in my life.
As I begin my Spiritual Renewal Leave I was overwhelmed to sing this song at ACS worship: "...will you go where you don't know....will you leave yourself behind....will you love the 'you' you hide....will you quell the fear inside and never be the same...." What a privilege to be given the time to ponder such questions!
"The time"? Why don't I have the time to wrestle with these challenges and the opportunity they present? Of course I have the time yet I don't take it. The demands of getting thru the day, the stuff of my "to do list", the needs of others, so take priority that I allow them not the essential questions to dominate my life. I imagine that's true for any of us isn't?
Certainly one of the purposes of retreat, rest and recreation is to cultivate the daily 'mindfulness' that can keep us open to the spirit that calls us by name to be all God dreams for us. Isn't that one of the reasons we go to Sunday worship, to remind ourselves of the spiritual connection with God, each other and ourselves, even if it's only for a hour a week?
A wise friend once said of our constant need for mindfulness to God with us, "Remember to remember". Well I am off to "remember to remember" on journeys and work far beyond my daily grind with the intention to "go where I don't know, to leave myself behind, to love the 'me' I hide and to quell the fear inside".
It is my prayer to never be the same. Amen.
[Driving up to Sacramento for Annual Conference....]
Tiger Woods confessed that he acted "...as if the rules didn't apply to [him]". His wealth and fame gave him license to gratify his sexual appetite without regard for the consequences of others in his life. He is now paying a dear price for this false sense of entitlement.
This doesn't happen just to the rich and famous.
Driving up to Annual Conference Session in Sacramento along Hwy 680/80 it was common to find single drivers in the "commuter lane" during rush hour. All manner of drivers held cell phones to their ears. Travelling at the speed limit of 65 MPH I was passed as if standing still.
Most of us pick and choose what rules apply to us. Maybe it's a part of human nature.
There are rules that apply to our bodies. We know that the over consumption of saturated fats, salt and refined sugars is unhealthy. Using tobacco, alcohol and prescription drugs inappropriately is hazardous to our health. Stress and the lack of exercise can shorten our lives. Yet, how many of us move, eat and drink as if such wisdom didn't apply? I know I do.
There are rules regarding relationships. I often joke that the Ten Commandments aren't called "The Ten Suggestions". Violating these universal rules has universal consequences.
Although it might be most obvious in our driving habits, what rules are we choosing to obey and what rules to ignore? The spiritual implications are real.
Jesus spent time alone in prayer to recharge his spiritual batteries. Our friend Nancy Roslund has long taught that one who does not take the time to fill up the reservoir of one's life will not have much to give another in need.
The Staff Parish Relations Committee, Administrative Board and our District Superintendent, Rev. Kristie Olah, have granted me permission to take a Spiritual Renewal Leave beginning June 20 through September 8. The goal of such a Renewal Leave is for a Pastor to renew his/her spirit, vision and perspective so that he/she is able to more effectively energize and inspire a church and its congregation, particularly one about to launch its next era of growth and development.
United Methodist clergy are eligible to request a renewal leave after six years of full time ministry. Since my ordination in 1976, and during my appointed career of 34 years, the longest study leave I have had is two weeks. I am privileged to serve LAUMC as its Senior Pastor for many, many reasons, not the least of which is our leaders who have enthusiastically supported my request for this Spiritual Renewal Leave. I am grateful.
Working with clay and learning about its history and the various techniques used in sculpting, firing and glazing it have long been an instrument by which I've been able to come in touch with my own spirit and be touched by the spirit of God.
I will be doing a number of exciting things during my Spiritual Renewal Leave, some with Bonnie, some on my own:
- June 22 through July 3: "An Intersection of Communitas," group travel to Peru led by Rev. Dirk and Carol Damonte as spiritual and cultural education.
- July 4 through 22: Art work in the studios of Canyon Creek Pottery, Alturas, California.
- July 23 through August 1: In-residency and art-making workshop, Sierra Nevada College, Incline Village, Nevada.
- August 8 through 16: In-residency and art-making workshop, Santa Fe Clay, New Mexico.
- August 22 through 29: Camaldoli Hermitage, Big Sur, California, retreat and contemplative time prior to resuming full-time duties at LAUMC. (The Camaldoli brethren are known for their silent retreat community in which participants work and worship together.)
- August 30 through September 8 return home transition.
LAUMC is graced with an outstanding staff of three associate pastors and a pastoral care team, including lay volunteers, who will continue to provide ministry and care during my Spiritual Renewal Leave. Local retired clergy will also augment pastoral care response on an "as needed basis."
During my Renewal Leave, Rev. Debbie Weatherspoon will be delegated as "Pastor in Charge." SPRC has engaged Becky Everett as a temporary part-time administrator to shepherd the administrative projects on my docket and continue general supervision of the administrative staff. Please reach out to Pastor Debbie if you need pastoral response or have administrative concerns.
Preaching and worship leadership during my Spiritual Renewal Leave will be coordinated by Rev. Dirk Damonte and the Worship Planning Task Force. The summer Sunday preaching and worship leadership will include:
June 27 — Rev. Cate Noellert
July 4 — Rev. Dirk Damonte (Rev. Debbie Weatherspoon, presiding elder for Holy Communion)
July 11 — Rev. Dirk Damonte
July 18 — Rev. Kristie Olah, District Superintendent
July 25 — ICYC South Korea participants
August 1 — Bonnie Bollwinkel (Rev. Dave Wolf, presiding elder for Holy Communion)
August 8 — Kim Schisler, an LAUMC Seminar Scholarship recipient currently studying at Yale Divinity School
August 15 — Phil Bolles, graduate Duke School of Theology
August 22 — Rev. Debbie Weatherspoon
August 29 — Rev. Debbie Weatherspoon
September 5 — Rev. Debbie Weatherspoon
September 12 — Homecoming, Rev. Mark Bollwinkel
The expenses for this Spiritual Renewal leave will be covered completely out of my Continuing Education and Professional Travel allowances along with my personal resources. Costs for the temporary part-time administrator will be covered within the SPRC 2010 Operating Budget. Pottery made during my leave will be exhibited this fall and offered for sale, all proceeds going toward the World Service Fund of our denomination's shared missional giving.
I do ask one favor of you, dear friends. Please be gentle with Bonnie while I am away; she will not be the conduit to contact me nor will she report on my progress. But don't let that inhibit your conversation or interaction with my beloved extrovert! Rather, if you want to know what I am up to, I invite you to follow updates that will appear on the church website (www.laumc.org) about my Spiritual Renewal Leave.
I earned my Bachelor of Arts in Social Science with a major in Anthropology and a minor in Ceramic Arts from the University of the Pacific. My Senior Project was an exhibit of my pottery and the presentation of a paper exploring the esthetic theory of the Jewish theologian Martin Buber. His conclusion that "art is the residue of the dialogue between the 'I and Thou'" remains at the very core of my own sense of the unity of the human and divine in art making. This is why I am called to pastoral ministry and to artistic creation with clay. For me, art making is both a release from life's demands and an expression of my own spirit. During my years at LAUMC, the congregation has been enthusiastically encouraging of my art making. With a long history of promoting and exhibiting congregational art, LAUMC and I have found exciting ways to include pottery in my formal ministry: sermons, spiritual retreats, clay making sessions with seniors, youth and children. Encouraging artistic expression in music, drama, visual and digital art is a tradition of our congregation. This congregation fully supports art making as a spiritual journey in general and in their senior pastor's life in particular.
As pastor and congregation, we have come so far together and are at such a positive and exciting time in our foundation development and growth. This Spiritual Renewal Leave will recharge my batteries and provide priceless time to focus on my own personal, spiritual journey. I eagerly look forward to returning to LAUMC with new gifts to share and an even deeper commitment to our future together.
May God continue to surround us all with grace,
Mark S. Bollwinkel
